Humour

Wild lions nuzzling tourists is not on. Nature should bite back

It is not a secret that I harbour a deep hatred for my species and what we have done, and continue to do to the natural world around us

13 December 2020 - 00:01

This week Ntobeko, our firstborn, sent a disgusting clip to the family WhatsApp group. It showed a bunch of European tourists on one of those open game-viewing Land Rover thingamalorries. The ranger makes a stop and a large lion approaches the vehicle. I sat up because I was thinking, "Hello! Action!"

As it turns out, this shameless, disappointing, poor excuse for a lion lumbered up to the vehicle and started playfully nuzzling the tourists. It was licking and caressing these yellow-toothed bastards, making me physically sick. I yelled at my screen, "Come on! Bite somebody, Simba! Claw at someone and make it look like an accident so that they don't put you down afterwards!" Alas, Simba is clearly in the throes of a hectic bout of Stockholm syndrome and doesn't want to rock the boat...

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