Fashion means very different things to men & women

WOMEN SAVE THEIR BEST OUTFITS FOR THEIR GIRLFRIENDS: YOLISA QUNTA

Once upon a time, there was a man who made a lot of money by claiming that women and men were from different planets and therefore would have very different views on fundamental issues.

As a writer in the pursuit of truth, I regret that so many of the scandals in my lifetime happened before the age of screengrabs and hacked clouds.

On the flip side, I am also grateful that so many of my regrettable fashion choices happened before social media forced us to all perform the best versions of our lives for the adoration of complete strangers.

If you look at my social media feeds now, they are made up of a carefully curated set of photos, designed to make me look like I am living my best life.

Naturally, when it comes to fashion, I waste very little time primping for men: on a date I wear a dress and 15cm stilettos.

As I have never gotten any complaints so far, this will continue to be the wave from here on. But let it be noted that I do save my best outfit choices for when I meet my girlfriends.

Nothing anybody with a Y chromosome says or does will ever top the heady adoration your girlfriends give you for rocking up at a great restaurant wearing a gorgeous outfit that perfectly matches the decor and theme, but also looks so ready for the Gram.

Only women will realise why you went to a Zulu book launch with the appropriate beading, or wore a camellia to your first Chanel fashion show in Paris.

Men now think that moving on from wearing chinos and ugly Bronx shoes means that they are evolved in fashion.

Yes, to the fact that you all realise that skinny suits with sneakers don't make a fashionable man. So, when it comes to fashion, can men just accept that women know best and keep it moving?

I thank you all in the name of Beyoncé.

FOR MEN, ANY LOOK IS A WINNER: JASON MYKL SNYMAN

I've never seen a fashion model smile. It's just not, as they say on the catwalk, de rigueur.

That's right; I know some fancy French words. You've got to know a little about something before you're allowed to make fun of it.

I've often looked at the things people wear and the total agony they go through - particularly women with their corsets and their high heels and bras. Or their hours-long makeup and hairdo rituals. And I ask myself, what's the point of all this?

Maybe I just don't get it. Maybe it's because I'm a dude and we've always had it pretty easy when it comes to dressing up.

Tuxedo. Black or white. Tie or bowtie. Polish your shoes. Done. Easy.

Or maybe it's because the thought of paying R600 for a T-shirt full of holes at Markhams makes me want to throw myself into oncoming traffic. I don't want to share this world with those shirts.

Don't even get me started on men's skinny Capri pants.

Just look at the number of men's fashion magazines out there compared to the number of women's magazines. This may be an indication that men, for the most part, just don't seem to care that much about fashion. And when we do, things get way too weird.

I'm talking high waists, garish patterns and skimpy briefs - "Underwear that's Funtawear".

Things get out of control.

I'm not sure if what we wore in our teen years could be defined as fashion, but it's about as close as I've ever come. Bad Boy hoodies, No Fear caps. World Industries shoes. Ed Hardy gear - the pink flamingo lawn ornaments of the fashion world.

I'll stop right there, before you fashionistas get nauseous.

You can keep your 3D nail art and those weird blanket-scarf things. Carry on with your athleisure wear and your wicker-basket shoes. Keep on tying your coat belt into a knot, instead of just buckling it like a normal person. You're edgy and cool.

You do you, and I'll do me. I call my fashion style: ''clothing that still fits."

• E-mail us if there are any topics you'd like to hear about from a She Said/He Said point of view: amillionmilesfromnormal@gmail.com

• This article was originally published in The Times.