A day never goes by on Twitter where a man doesn't share his unsolicited opinions on women's hair and clothing choices, or how he doesn't like women who wear makeup. And while patriarchal standards have for centuries determined what women wear and how they look, many women enjoy dressing up and putting on a little makeup. And it's not always for male attention - receiving a nod of approval from other women is the highest compliment.
But hair is a funny thing. It determines what kind of men hit on you and, more importantly, how.
I've found that when I have long hair, braids rather than a weave (I'm holding out for my bank balance to catch up with the perfect Naomi Campbell-style one of my dreams), I get a lot more men approaching me than when I keep it short.
Long hair attracts myriads of men, but they're usually the type who hang out at Rockets and live in Midrand or Fourways. Some approach me with pick-up lines while others stare as though I'm a piece of meat and they are famished.
The kinds of things they try to woo me with are material: they show off their car keys (Beemer, Merc, Porsche, whatever) and their fat wallets. They offer to buy drinks. They want us to hang out somewhere in the posh north of Joburg.
Longer hair makes a lot of us look younger, so perhaps they assume that this "young girl" in front of them lacks depth and can be enticed with shiny things.
Having short or natural hair, however, brings a different breed of man. They're usually older (late 30s, 40s, even 50s). They approach me with respect (they often call me "sisi") and they seem to be selling thought-provoking conversation.
It's rare for them to not, at some point, remark on my hair. If I got a brick each time I heard the phrase "I love your natural hair", I could have built a mansion in Hyde Park by now. And while I do enjoy stimulating conversations, the assumptions men make about women based on their choice of hairstyle only inspires eye rolls.
The assumption they're making is that I'm more "real" and "down to Earth" than women who wear weaves and wigs. As my beautician said to me recently: "Men think because you have short hair, you're low maintenance." In men's minds, there's a direct proportionality between how much they have to spend on you and the length of your hair.
For some of us that couldn't be further from the truth. In fact, I'm fairly high maintenance - I'm super vain and spend a stupid amount of money on my face (skincare and makeup). I like good-quality shoes and bags.
Yes, you can take me to a shisanyama and I'll be fine with it, but I also like the finer things. I really don't mind a fancy restaurant once in a while and I love getting gifts (I hope my husband reads this).
I don't like paying for my own food and drinks even though I can afford to (yes, we pick and choose the parts of patriarchy that work for us - especially if it involves men paying for things).
So, low maintenance? Sorry sir, not me.
When I've really gone short with my hair and had a brush cut, I find that men stare but timidly look away when I return eye contact. Clearly they think, "Here comes GI Jane" - why else would a woman ditch stereotypically "feminine" standards by having almost no hair? They clearly think you're hot, but they're also sh*t scared of you, which is great.
It's a cliché now but as India Arie sang: "I am not my hair." It's a pity a lot of men still don't understand that...