When did it become 'brave' to leave the house without any makeup on?
Bryony Gordon misses the days when going out bare-faced wasn't something worth bragging about on Instagram
I recently wasted approximately three minutes of my life watching a video on Instagram that featured a 20-something model showcasing her "no makeup makeup routine".
This no-makeup makeup routine involved concealer, blusher, setting powder, mascara … there was an awful lot of makeup required to pull off this no makeup look, and by the end of the video I was left with sad wrinkles around my eyes from frowning, wrinkles that I would need to fill in with a lot of makeup makeup.
These no-makeup makeup videos are usually uploaded by beautiful "influencers" who are so young, they are still doused in their mother's amniotic fluid.
But last week, Cindy Crawford treated us to her "getting out the door as fast as I can" makeup regime. This included an "activating" serum, a "lifting" eye cream, some "de-puffing globes", moisturiser, foundation, two types of concealer, powder, eyebrow definer, eyeshadow, mascara, blusher and lipstick.
Her "getting out of the door as fast as I can" makeup regime will set you back more than R7,000, but makes no mention of the incredible supermodel genes that Crawford was born with, which are priceless and presumably make a massive difference to her ability to look polished and glamorous at the school gates or on a trip to the supermarket.
WATCH | Cindy Crawford's 'getting out of the door as fast as I can' makeup regime
I don't know about you, but my "getting out the door as fast as I can" regime involves, well, putting on some clothes, and getting out the door as fast as I can.
This would pass muster in the days when only models on billboards were airbrushed, but with the rise of Instagram, Photoshop and apps such as Facetune, we are all expected to leave the house looking like we are going to walk the red carpet at the Oscars, even if all we have to do is put the bins out or take our child to school.
Being seen completely bare-faced is now so unusual that, on the rare occasions that it happens on social media, people are given the Instagram equivalent of the St George's Cross, as if being photographed without any foundation on is on a par with rescuing children from a burning building.
At what point did it become "brave" to simply be yourself? And why, if I leave the house without makeup on, do I feel the need to apologise for my face and make jokes about looking as if I've been dug up?
The other day, I saw a post on Instagram advertising a face mask … It featured testimonials from "real" customers. "Before I used this mask, I had pores," said one "real" customer, "but afterwards, I didn't!" In which case, I hope someone rushed you to a hospital for urgent medical care, because if we didn't have pores, we wouldn't be able to regulate our body temperature. If we didn't have pores, we would die.
I love makeup as much as the next woman. When I'm going out to an event or a party, it is great. But do you know what's even greater? The ability to live my life knowing that my worth is defined by the stuff inside my head, rather than the stuff that is on it.
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