Pimp my Christmas
Don't' sweat, put together a stress free Christmas feast

Guess what? Make it a no cook, well almost, celebration this Christmas. It's so easy as all the retailers are enticing shoppers with a groaning selection of ready-made festive treats, and with my pimping tips, family and friends will lap it up as the best homemade Christmas ever. Yes, it may come at a cost, but then it is Christmas after all, and is the kind of present every cook would love, a day off from the hot and steamy kitchen.
This year, I’m splurging out on a festive feast and have conjured up images of my day spent lazing next to the pool with the rest of the merry gang, glass of bubbly in hand, and gazing over the splendour of my pimped Christmas feast — and this is how it's done. Easy peasy.
Merry Christmas to you all.
THE MENU
Cold Seafood Platter with Seafood Mayo
Oysters, prawns, calamari, mussels, smoked trout, fish bites
MAIN COURSE
Glazed Ham served with Pigs in Blankets and Charred Orange Slices
BBQ Chicken Portions with Peri Mayo and Chicken Balls
SUPER SIDES
Spinach and Feta Phyllo Parcels
7 Colours Griddled Veggies with Mustard Seed Dressing
Festive Potato Salad
DESSERT
Vanilla Caramel Ice cream Log topped with Caramelised Popcorn, Mini Meringues and Chocolate Balls
Proseco Fruit Punch
SEAFOOD PLATTER
How
- Purchase an array of ready-made seafood mix of choice.
- Thread the cooked deveined prawns thread onto cocktail sticks and drizzle with sweet chilli sauce.
- Drizzle the oysters with hot sauce and roll the smoked trout or salmon slices into a cigar shape, squeezing over lots of fresh lemon and a good grinding of black pepper. The half shell mussels are finished off with a splash of basil & sun dried tomato pesto.
- Drain the vinaigrette off the pickled ready-made calamari and place in a bowl in the centre of the platter and to finish if off, adding a family favourite, a pile of ready-made fish bites.
Pimp it Up
Make a seafood mayonnaise by mixing mayo (not salad cream), tomato sauce, finely chopped onion, chives and a dash of hot sauce and place in a dish with the sauce in the centre of the platter.
Garnish with lots of green herbs like sprigs of dill and parsley, lemon wedges and, voila, you have a restaurant worthy seafood platter. Cover and refrigerate before serving and, if desired, add French baguette rolls or savoury biscuits.
GLAZED HAM, PIGS IN BLANKETS AND CHARRED ORANGE SLICES
How
- Purchase a large ready cooked large glazed gammon as the centrepiece of the table.
- Make pigs in blankets with chipolata sausages by wrapping each raw sausage with half a slice of streaky bacon. Roast in oven/air fryer until cooked through, about 15-20 minutes.
- Serve ham on a large platter surrounded by a mound of pigs in blankets and charred orange slices.
Pimp It Up
To make the oranges, slice them into 1cm thick slices, sprinkle lightly with sugar on both sides and place in a hot griddle pan and press down using an egg lifter until they are have the charred marks.
Slice a couple of slices of ham on the platter before serving to give it that tuck in appeal.
Don’t forget the mustard!
BBQ CHICKEN WITH PERI MAYONNAISE
How
1. Purchase 2 ready roasted chickens and portion each into 8-10 portions the day before Christmas. Place on a large platter with a bowl of ready-made peri mayonnaise.
Pimp It Up
Garnish the chicken with a drizzle of peri mayo and a range of fresh chillies in different colours.
If you don’t fancy the chilli mayo, use a plain quality mayo and jazz up the platter with red cocktail tomatoes and fresh herbs.
FESTIVE POTATO SALAD
HOW
1. Purchase a large ready-made potato salad and jazz it up with chopped gherkin, parsley, celery, red onion and hard boiled egg, saving some for garnish, then mix through the salad.
Pimp It Up
Serve in a stemmed glass bowl to bring it to life. Line the base with cocktail tomatoes, spoon over potato salad and garnish with the colours of Christmas — red, green and white.
7 COLOURS ROASTED VEG SALAD
HOW
1. Buy 2 bags of 7 colours ready prepared vegetables. Either slice using a vegetable peeler or leave the veggies as is. Season generously, add a sprinkling of dry mixed herbs and roast in preheated oven 180ºC for 30-45 minutes, turning half way through.
Pimp it Up
Pour over ready-made salad dressing of choice while veggies are still warm. Spoon onto a platter and serve.
SPINACH AND FETA BUNDLES
HOW
1. Buy a roll of frozen phyllo pastry and defrost in the fridge the day before serving. Using two sheets, brush each with melted butter. Divide the pastry into four.
2. By a box of ready-made frozen creamed spinach. Defrost and add blocks of feta cheese, a splash of cream or milk, a pinch of ground nutmeg and season generously and place a heap of spinach mix in middle of each square. Bring the corners of the pastry together to form a bundle and place on a baking sheet brushing outside each bundle with more melted butter.
PIMP IT UP
Using a chive, tie it round each bundle for a festive feel or, once cooked, tie with red and green ribbon — warning guests the ribbon is inedible.
CARAMEL ICE CREAM LOG
HOW
1. Buy a tub of quality vanilla ice cream, a can of caramel condensed milk, a small bag of caramelised popcorn, a handful of ready-made mini meringues and a small packet of chocolate balls.
2. Allow the ice cream to soften on the kitchen counter — don’t let it get too runny.
3. Spoon the caramel into a mixing bowl. Pour over a little boiling water, stirring, adding more if needed to give you the consistency of a paste. at a time stirring through to make a soft caramel paste.
4. Line a 2 litre bread pan with cling film on the base and sides. Spoon over 1/3 of the ice cream. Drizzle over 1/3 of the caramel using a knife to spread it through the ice cream. Continue with remaining ice cream and caramel. Cover with cling wrap and freeze for 24 hours.
PIMP IT UP
Unmould onto a platter and decorate with caramelised popcorn, meringues and chocolate balls to give you a delicious over the top festive dessert.
Serve in slices or ice cream cones. Yum.
ICED PROSECCO FRUITY COCKTAIL
HOW
1. Buy a couple of bottles of Prosecco (or use sparkling grape juice) and chill until ice cold. Just before serving add a selection of chopped seasonal fruit, the more the merrier.
PIMP IT UP
Add a fruity kebab to each glass by threading cubes of seasonal fruit on a tooth pick.
Add soda or sparkling water just before serving to pimp up the bubbles — and loads of ice.
