Q. I am not ready for marriage but want intimacy. Am I missing out without a partner?
A. Intimacy and sexual exploration are no longer defined within a marriage and many people do not have traditional long-term partnerships, nor do they feel pressure to do so.
Many people still correlate intimacy with sex and although sex can provide intimacy, it is not the only source. There still exists a gap between what people long for in sex and what they experience and negotiate during sex.
Lack of fulfilment and intimacy can lead to resentments and boredom. Lack of spontaneity can begin to focus on radically clarifying your desires when it comes to sex and intimacy.
Take the time to find out what pleases you and then your partner. You can have realistic expectations of yourself and your partner. The technique and the details of the sexual acts themselves are important. However, the quality of your relationship with your partner outside of sex can set the tone for what happens during sex.
Casual sex, friends-with-benefits, shag mates or whatever you call your sex arrangements, or the people involved, it is undeniable that people are more sexually expressive and confident in that and open to sharing the challenges that those arrangements can pose but are also experiencing sexual liberation.
Regardless of the emotional attachment or connection, safer sex tools are important in preventing sexually transmitted diseases and for pleasure to be experienced the ability to consent to sex, fully express yourself during sex and having trust that your boundaries will be respected, sets the tone for healthy sexual experiences. More so than romantic dinners and acts of endearment or relationship status.
The everyday stresses of life - from work, household chores, financial or medical issues - and the effects of stress spill over into relationships and sex.
If you do not have a sexual partner, it does not mean there can be no pleasure. Explore your own body, and when you do have partners in future, you will be better able to communicate what you want and what makes you feel fulfilled.
• Dr Tlaleng Mofokeng (MBChB), sexual and reproductive health practice, Disa Clinic, safersex.co.za. Do you have a question about sex?
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