How to keep your love life alive during lockdown

Due to extenuating circumstances, love is definitely not in the air. If anything it's trapped in a house with its love, dreaming about all the other loves that it used to see scampering around on the streets.

Whether you're in a relationship or as single as a black sheep in a vegan restaurant, love in a time of lockdown is tricky.

So how does one keep the flame of their love life alive while maintaining a corona-free distance? Here are some ideas:

FOR SINGLES

Singles are the lifeblood of any well-functioning society. Without them condom sales would plummet, overpriced liquor bottles designed to impress the eye but not the stomach would crater, obscure restaurants that always have those few patrons that come in every week with a different partner would be replaced by Turn 'N Tenders.

This will be the hardest time for you, my kings and queens. There's a good chance you'll develop a squeamish relationship with the internet. But before you finish your data, why not try a virtual date?

In normal times boomers would hear this and complain about how the youth don't know how to socialise but, when viewed through a more modern lens, this could be the perfect way to line up your prospects for the day we're allowed outside.

The idea is pretty simple. Since we're allowed to buy food and candles, pop out to the store, purchase something tasty, a few rose petals and some candles. Get dressed up, do a bit of petal-based interior decorating, light up those candles and video-call your potential bae. Hopefully you have her favourite wine on hand, otherwise fill your own glass with Oros. Voila! You now have a date. The effort will be appreciated and you'll have something to do with your Saturday night.

If you want to get cute with it, you can even invite her onto Houseparty and play trivia as part of the festivities. The beauty of this is that you can also rinse and repeat 3-4 times a week and spend less money than you would on an actual date in the real world.

FOR COUPLES

By now being stuck between four walls with one another is starting to feel claustrophobic. Your partner's annoying habits are being magnified by the fact that they've been wearing sweatpants for five days. This is your chance to not let your love vanish under the weight of an unpacked dishwasher.

As with the singles, create the outside at home. Dress up, put on cologne, lay out a carpet in the garden and enjoy the moonlight. You're in the fortunate position of being able to consummate your date if you play your cards right.

Alternatively, set up sexy little games to play. For example, learn some basic Spanish and when the kids go to bed, play the role of a mysterious Spanish baron who's in the country to sample some of the local delights. Swap sexual favours for chores or mow the lawn in skimpy shorts under the pseudonym "Javier".

The point is that we have a unique opportunity to connect in some unusual ways and as the saying goes "variety is the spice of life".