My Travelling Life
LOL! Comedian Nik Rabinowitz shares tales of his travels
The funnyman fondly remembers romping kaalgat in the Cederberg as child - or maybe that was yesterday - and the time comedian Riaad Moosa fell in the toilet
How often I travel depends on what you mean by travel. If you mean exotic locations, then now and again. If you mean Joburg and back and Joburg and back and Joburg and back - pretty much every week.
The first holiday I remember as a child was running around kaalgat in the Agter Pakhuis area of the Cederberg Mountains. Feels like yesterday. Hang on. That was yesterday. Sigh.
I summitted Mount Kilimanjaro in 2011. Sometimes it feels as if life is like climbing a mountain and then I remember the time I climbed an actual mountain and it was much harder.
My friend and most famous adventurer Riaan Manser says it's best to explore by bike or kayak, and I think I agree. In fact the first time I went to Los Angeles I hired a mountain bike and rode all over the city, which was cool, especially the five-hour trip through Topanga Canyon to Santa Monica. One morning I rode through a minor earthquake and didn't notice. I've never travelled anywhere by kayak on purpose.
My list for a perfect holiday includes:
• Mountain climbing;
• Chillaxing (how old AM I?);
• Fun with kids;
• Sex with wife;
• All expenses paid.
When choosing between roughing it or luxury, I choose roughing, with a splash of luxury. I would have loved to follow six days of climbing Kili with a luxury hotel in Zanzibar, but I went home to change nappies. So that's more roughing it with a splash of roughing it.
I once stayed in Sydney with my colleague Riaad Moosa. We had matching windowless smoking rooms, equipped with beds on wheels. Riaad jumped on his bed and landed up in the toilet. Amsterdam is my favourite city. I love the bikes, the dykes and the Hollandse Harings (herrings), which slip down your throat like well-oiled penguins. That sounds like a Dr Seuss poem for adults.
I also like Vancouver, which is like Cape Town, but safe. And wet. And cold. But it's home to my cousin Kyla, who is awesome.
The oddest thing I've experienced while travelling was a massage in Arequipa, Peru. After the masseur insisted I change in front of him, he proceeded to bump the table a number of times during the session, at one point briefly flicking my right testicle, and then threw a towel over my head.
The thing I hate about holidays is when the baby is screaming and you stand up to try to rock it to stop it from screaming and the flight attendant threatens to have you arrested while the plane is taking off. And when the baby just got to sleep in one of those bassinet thingies and it's 2am and the plane experiences a bit of turbulence and then you have to wake the baby and remove it and strap it to your lap and then it starts screaming again. So just baby screaming in any location.
I really want to go to the Mentawai Islands in Indonesia, on a boat trip. Preferably I'm not rowing the boat.
• Nic Rabinowitz's new show, 'Dry White', runs at the Baxter Concert Hall, Cape Town, from December 18 until January 12. Book through webtickets.co.za..