Rome alone: how to jump the queues in Italy's Eternal City

I'm sitting at a pavement café on a random street, somewhere in Rome. Suddenly, the whaaap of a hooter slices through the summer air. A nun behind the wheel of a dinky car gestures rudely as she whizzes by. A shocked jaywalker scuttles for the pavement. Now, that's what you call a bad habit. 

To be fair, the jaywalker was looking the wrong way - clearly a foreigner. And maybe it's just inevitable in one of the world's most over-touristed cities: even women of the cloth lose their cool.

Rome, certainly, is suffering more than most this new scourge of "overtourism". One study found that Italy had had more than 420 million visitors in 2017, and that 27 million of these had converged on the capital.

The city's two most popular tourist destinations, the Vatican Museums and the Colosseum, drew in 4.2 million and 4 million tourists respectively. No surprise then that tales of the queues to enter these places have become almost as epic as the places themselves.

At the same time, the advice del giorno from anyone who's ever been anywhere is to "go where the locals go". And I guess if your plan is to trek by pony across the Mongolian steppes or hole up in Elandsbaai for a long weekend, then that's sensible advice. By all means, drink the curdled yak milk. Learn the local bar lady's name.

But in Rome? That historic city founded in 625BC? That cornerstone of civilisation, today teeming with antiquities?

How does one not go and crane one's neck at The Colosseum? How do you bypass the Vatican in favour of some "authentic" backstreet café brimming with locals - who, let's be honest, despise you with your English and your taking photos of your food? Sorry hipsters. You. Just. Don't.

Which is why, on three days in Rome last year, I decided to forego making like a local and embrace my not-so-inner tourist. Coolness be damned. I would see the Vatican. Trevi Fountain. The Spanish Steps .

Time being precious and money being tight, I also made it my mission to beat the queues however I could. Here are the tricks I tried, and how they worked out.

GET IN EARLY, FOR A FEE

The Vatican City - the world's smallest independent state and home of the Pope - has no daily limit on visitors. By all accounts, the part people can actually visit, the Vatican Museums, are claustrophobic year-round. Though they contain a vast collection of treasures gathered by pontiffs over the centuries, their greatest attraction is hands-down the Sistine Chapel, embellished by Michelangelo between 1508 and 1512.

Last November, the UK's Guardian reported that as many as 10 people per day were fainting in the crush to get inside the chapel, which is actually just one room in an epic circuit of 54 galleries. Tour guides feared that "overcrowding could provoke a stampede", the newspaper said.

I find my queue-jumping tactic online. Tripadvisor leads me to a company called Headout, through which I book an "Exclusive Early Access Ticket to the Vatican Museum & Sistine Chapel with Audioguide".

While the floodgates open for the plebeians at 9am, this ticket promises access at 7.15am, thus an extra hour and 45 minutes to "enjoy the treasures of the Vatican ... in solitude and peace". Surely the eye-watering charge on my credit card of R924.69 (a regular ticket costs €17-€20, or R264-R311) will be worth it in the end?

NOT SO EARLY AFTER ALL

The confirmation e-mail, however, immediately shaves off 15 minutes. We are to meet at 7.30am, on the staircase next to the "Caffe Vaticano", opposite the museum.

I go, expecting a tiny gathering of anoraks, only to realise that there are probably 50 companies selling the same thing. The staircase is grand and the crowds are thick, and finding my guide is an Amazing Race-esque task.

When I finally succeed - she is a strung-out Eastern European girl with a clipboard - roll-call takes 30 minutes. Herding our group of 50 across the street and into the foyer, then buying us all tickets and dishing them out, takes another 30. By the time we are actually freed into the museums, it is 8.40am. Twenty minutes before the general chaos.

And here are two important things about the Vatican Museums. The two most popular galleries are the Sistine Chapel; and the Raphael Rooms, the erstwhile apartments of Pope Julius II, who commissioned the Renaissance man to decorate them in 1507.

As our guide tells us, we would be wise to prioritise these, and then work our way back to anything else we want to see.

The other thing, which she doesn't say, is that the museums work on a one-way system. Once you've passed a gallery, there is no going back - unless you walk the entire 6km circuit and go back to the beginning.

The Raphael Rooms come first, followed by the Sistine Chapel. So we race-walk as a group for the former. They are closed for cleaning.

Come back in an hour, says a guard, arms folded, at the door. Well, that's no help at all.

Still jaunty, we march on to the Sistine Chapel, duck through a small doorway and then we are in: a wide room with a vaulted ceiling, adorned with the magnificent works of Michelangelo. The garden of Eden. The Last Judgment. The finger of God zapping Adam to life.

The small crowd in here is manageable enough, and the frescoes are intricate and astounding and humbling. I sit and stare for a good while and it is the heavenly moment I wanted. Angels sing.

THE ZOMBIE WALK

By the time I exit the chapel, though, about 9.30ish, the central corridors are a steady stream of sweating, shuffling humans. There's nothing to do but amble along with them, but if you step out of the flow and into a gallery, there are many beautiful things to admire, most of which hang largely ignored.

I stand alone in front of a small Pieta by Vincent van Gogh. A Gauguin. A Munch. A Kandinsky. A Dali. A Chagal.

There are sculptures and ancient maps and Roman coins, and it's many hours before I make it back to the beginning

I could leave now, happy, but because I want to see the Raphael Rooms, I start the gauntlet again. They are open now, but so crammed with people that it's hard to disappear into the enchantment of the art.

And then, getting out takes hours because of the one-way system and the ever-thickening crowds, I have to womble through the entire museum again - even, dammit, through what is now the low-level riot of the Sistine Chapel. When I finally emerge, it is 1pm. I am glad to have seen it, and also glad it's over and that I will never set foot there again.

A LESSON FROM A LOCAL

My other paid attempt to beat the crowds is through an Airbnb Experience titled "Capture Rome with a Pro". The pro is Katie Madriaga, a 25-year-old photographer who, originally from the Phillippines, has lived in Rome for seven years.

She bills her experience as a photography lesson-cum-walking tour-with-a-local. The few hours I spend with her are easily some of my nicest in the city. The price of R533.27 is a bargain for what I get, since her "tour" is a three-birds-with-one-stone sort of thing.

For one, it starts really early. My paid obligation to be at Trevi Fountain at 7.30am forces me to hit the streets much earlier than I would normally, and long before the masses start rolling in. This gives me unobstructed views, not only of all the stops on the walk, but also of several amazing sites en route to meeting her, including the Vatican at an hour when there are only nuns, priests and the odd jogger about.

To this day, this is my primary piece of advice for crowd-beating: get up early. The value of deserted streets is unquantifiable - and free.

Secondly, we check off a decent list of sights. Though Rome is an enormous city, its historic attractions are all within a fairly small geographic area. From our meeting point at Trevi Fountain, we amble to the Pantheon, a temple built between 113-125 AD; and then down the Via dei Coronari, with its buildings dating back to the 15th century.

We pause in the Piazza Navona, a square the Romans used as a stadium in 1AD, now filled with fountains and painters. We finish at Castel Sant'Angelo, built in 2AD as a tomb for Roman emperor Hadrian, on the bank of the River Tiber.

Third, I learn something about using my camera. With each stop, the amiable Katie imparts some tip - about framing, lighting, perspective, composition - and then my fellow participant and I (yes, there are only two of us) have time to put what we've learnt into practice. I come away with some cool photographs and some skills I can take on my future travels. All round, a win.

BE PREPARED

My final tactics are to lower my expectations and to do some homework. Instead of joining expensive tours at noon with guides to tell me what I'm looking at, I use the free wifi in my hotel in the evenings to research the places I plan to go the next day.

A Youtube documentary, for instance, watched in bed, saves me the temptations of a paid tour at the Colosseum. When I get there, on foot at around lunch-time, I already know it was built between 72 and 80AD and that it was used for gladiatorial contests and public spectacles such as animal hunts, executions, and theatre.

The other trick is, I don't go inside. The queues to enter are certainly epic, and I consider it enough to admire its amazing architecture from the outside.

A FUNNY THING HAPPENED

In the end, I can't declare my quest for shortcuts a total success. Except for my very early forays, the crowds come quickly and there is much I miss in trying to avoid them. So I went, but I didn't conquer.

Perhaps the best tactic in a city such as this is to accept that you're a tourist too, and to give up the dream of solitude.

As for going where the locals go, these parts of Rome are so tourist-centred that I suspect real Rome is very far from here. It's virtually impossible, for instance, to find a restaurant in the historcentre that doesn't advertise its English menu or display photos of its food. So give up that dream too.

Except, maybe, if you're lucky, you might one day be sitting at a café and catch a nun scaring the hell out of a hapless tourist. And that will be priceless. 

SHORTCUT TIPS

AIRBNB

There is a wide range of Airbnb Experiences on offer in Rome, all of which are hosted by a local and generally entail small groups.

Whatever interests you, from painting lessons to yoga classes to wine tasting to clubbing, you're sure to find a unique and tailored way to enjoy the city that's just perfect for you.

See airbnb.com/experiences.

You can find Katie Madriaga and her photography tour at airbnb.com/experiences/140521.

EARLY BIRDS

Headout.com partners with local operators to offer early access and skip-the-line tickets to popular attractions around the world. 

WHERE TO STAY

I used booking.com to find a B&B called Orange Garden, actually a little collection of apartments a few blocks from the Vatican. The accommodation was basic but comfortable and the location was excellent for walking to all the main sights. It was €117.04 (R1,800) for two nights, without breakfast.