I've hardly had a lobotomy: I'm just pregnant (I swear)

10 April 2016 - 02:00 By PEARL BOSHOMANE

Being pregnant is exhausting. And not for the obvious reasons, such as that your body is growing a whole other human inside it, and everything is stretching and shifting, a lot of body parts hurt at random times, finding a comfortable sleeping position feels like an Olympic activity, and you just want to take naps all the time.I'm not talking about the emotionally draining "Oh, s*** what do I do with the baby once it's out?" part - especially for an expectant first-time mom (who never thought she'd even be a mom in the first place), like me.No, none of that feels as overwhelming - or as annoying - as how people treat me once they find out I'm having a baby.I've been incredibly lucky that even though I'm not in the early stages of my pregnancy, I haven't really been "showing".Daily, colleagues who know I'm pregnant tell me how "small" I am for the stage of pregnancy I'm at - and that makes me happy for two reasons.First, I've become incredibly vain in the past few months and secondly, I've loved the idea of keeping my pregnancy under wraps.The comments people make and the way they treat me often remind me why I haven't told many people that I'm pregnant (until now).There's a lot of unsolicited advice from people I feel have no business giving me advice in the first place. Those are the people you sometimes say hello to, the ones who normally wouldn't ask how you are, but suddenly now that you're pregnant they think they can comment on a very personal and intimate experience.I have no issues with the older women at work giving me advice, however.That legendary "motherly instinct" kicks in when they see me and they often want to check if I'm all right and how the baby's doing. I appreciate their concern, comments and advice as if these come from my mother, aunts and mother-in-law: their interest comes from a loving and kind place, and from experience.Their chats are never punctuated by dread and doom, unlike when other (usually younger) women take it upon themselves to tell me not to get too used to my smaller frame because I'm going to be "huge" soon anyway.What I do not appreciate is being treated like a toddler who cannot think for herself or make her own decisions.I was recently at a wine bar with a friend who knows I'm pregnant and, when the waiter arrived to take our order, the first thing she did was point to me and say: "She's not having any alcohol."I'm sorry, what? While I wasn't planning on passing out drunk from drinking three bottles of wine (I actually wasn't planning on having any at all), I would have appreciated it if she'd left the decision up to me because it's my body and my baby.I was recently at a chill session with some acquaintances, and a male friend who was pouring drinks remarked : "What would you like to drink?" before adding: "No alcohol!"There have been times when I have ordered food at restaurants and a "concerned" friend would ask: "Are you allowed to have that?"Let's not even mention the time someone was sharing sweets with a group and they deliberately skipped me because "sweets will make your baby drool a lot". Isn't drooling one of the things babies do? And besides, I love sweets! What person deprives a grown woman of wine gums?I've also been told what to wear, where to hang out ("Oh, you can't go to that event because you're pregnant") and what to do with my hair. I'm surprised no one's told me what kind of birth I should have - yet. It's as though being pregnant turns a woman into public property, and her body is a green paper to be commented on by everyone.The plus side? A colleague told me that being pregnant scores you lots of free lunches. She wasn't lying. Please keep the freshly squeezed orange juice and the croissants coming, thanks...

There’s never been a more important time to support independent media.

From World War 1 to present-day cosmopolitan South Africa and beyond, the Sunday Times has been a pillar in covering the stories that matter to you.

For just R80 you can become a premium member (digital access) and support a publication that has played an important political and social role in South Africa for over a century of Sundays. You can cancel anytime.

Already subscribed? Sign in below.



Questions or problems? Email helpdesk@timeslive.co.za or call 0860 52 52 00.