In the prime of my life at the age of 26, I was shot and paralysed by a bullet fired by the police during a march I was part of, against rent increases in Sharpeville in 1986.
I woke up in the intensive care unit of the hospital to hear this from a doctor: "I am not sure how the bullet got to the back of your brain, but you are paralysed. Removing the bullet is risky and you may die if we try. So we will leave it there. You may have fits in the first 10 years."
That was the most devastating news I had ever heard.
It was at that moment that I realised for the first time in my life that I missed having a dad intensely.
The void that had been there all the years I was growing up without a father and not knowing who or where he was, just grew wider at that moment and caused me so much anguish I contemplated suicide as a way out of my pain.
My poor mom, who had been with me all the time, could do nothing but break down in tears in hospital. And I would join in and we would cry together. There was nothing we could do.
My mother could not answer all those questions that were going through my mind as a man who had just learnt that he may never be able to walk again and would be bedridden because of constant fits.
I felt that only my father would be able to understand how I felt and I needed him to hold my hand and say: "All will be well, my son."But he wasn't there, just this lingering emptiness and grief.
Since that seminal moment in my life, I have realised that growing up without a father is probably the most difficult and painful life experience, especially for a boy.
It is one thing to know that your father isn't alive to give you the moral, financial and spiritual support you need as a boy, or even as a girl.
But knowing that he is alive somewhere and yet is not there with you when you need him the most must be the most difficult challenge to overcome for any child.
Yes, mothers play a huge role in many of South Africa's female-headed households.
But they, too, are swimming against a strong tide and can't raise the child alone, judging by the increase in social ills such as drug and alcohol abuse among boys and young men, and an increase in the number of teenage pregnancies, mainly in families where fathers are absent.
The number of children growing up without their fathers in South Africa is a staggering nine million, which includes an estimated 3.95million orphans.
Research has shown that the absence of fathers is associated with poor educational outcomes, antisocial behaviour, lack of confidence in girls and behavioural problems among boys.
This we can no longer ignore as a black community, particularly because our children are the ones who are turning into social miscreants in large numbers.As men we cannot live with a clean conscience knowing that we are contributing to the destruction of our society and the future of our children.
Time is against us and we need to change our behaviour drastically to try to avert a crisis.
It is no longer acceptable for a man to abandon a woman with children, only to go and start a new life and raise a new family elsewhere, far away from his other children, as if they never existed.
Those tendencies that were fuelled by the apartheid migrant labour system cannot continue in a democracy where people are able to move freely between cities and between provinces to find employment.
As a man you can choose to have one family, or, if you choose to have more children, then make it your duty to be a father to all of them.
Men must come to the party and nurture their children, especially the boy child, if we are to succeed in ending this vicious circle of fatherlessness.
I learnt good lessons when I was struggling to put my life together again without my father after that fateful day in hospital.
I also learnt to understand and empathise with the struggle and pain of all boys who have to find their way in the dark without a father.
On this Father's Day I wish to extend greetings and encouragement to all the mothers who play a dual role as both mom and dad to their sons and daughters. To them I say a well-deserved happy Father's Day.
As for me and my only son, Raphakisa, I have learnt to keep him close and to be the father I never had. It wasn't easy for me because I had no point of reference...