The ANC would like us to believe that its problems would evaporate once President Jacob Zuma ceases to be its leader and, like a Christmas miracle, a process of recovery and renewal would begin under a newly elected leadership in December.
There is a better chance of Donald Trump becoming a Rastafarian and smoking a bong on the White House lawn.
Yes, the state capture network might come undone and the Guptas might have to find another unknowing nation to pillage and pay for their family weddings. But a new leadership does not mean the ANC will be able to reclaim its soul, rediscover its values and return to its original mission of serving the people of South Africa.
It means that power will begin to shift to another political and business network that may or may not abuse it to feather its own nest.But what happens after this succession battle? When will the next one start?
And to whom does the torch pass after the current leaders annihilate each other?
The field is crowded with 60-somethings wanting to succeed Zuma. No younger people have raised their hands. This is probably a blessing when you consider the calibre of younger people in the ANC's leadership structures.
From Finance Minister Malusi Gigaba, who is one Gupta e-mail from being fully exposed as a henchman of the family, to woman-beater Mduduzi Manana, the ANC's rising stars have not covered themselves in glory.
While Police Minister Fikile Mbalula has no major scandals haunting him, it is difficult to take him seriously when he fashions himself as the Kanye West of South African politics.
The ANC Youth League was once an incubator for grooming leaders. Now it is like an institute for overgrown delinquents who can't find gainful employment elsewhere.
The league's president, Collen Maine, has excelled at two things: chewing before he swallows and spouting gibberish scripted by his handlers.
We should be thankful that South Africa is not a monarchy. Imagine having to contend with Captured Zuma or Buffoon Zuma when their father is done driving the country into the ground.
But presuming the ANC will survive its troubles for another few years, who will inherit and lead the organisation? Will future generations of ANC leaders have a shot at running the country?
While the ANC is stuck with leaders who were in their heyday in the '80s, the opposition parties are full of young go-getters who are redefining the political space.If the DA learns how to coexist with other parties and desists from scoring own goals, Mmusi Maimane stands a chance of being South Africa's first non-ANC president through a coalition government in 2019.
Considering that he took over the leadership of the DA only two years ago, this would be a stunning success story, not only for South Africa but on a continent where opposition parties are suppressed by fossilised leaders clinging to power.
In the 2014 elections, Julius Malema was the youngest person on the ballot paper and led the EFF, which was nine months old at the time, to become the second-largest opposition party in the country.
In addition to giving passé politics the boot, the EFF leadership encourages academic excellence by example - its spokesman, Mbuyiseni Ndlozi, has achieved a PhD at the age of 35.
Even with a 105-year history and supposedly a million members - audited membership figures are not an exact science in the party - the ANC cannot produce leaders to compete with the achievements of the young guns in the opposition.
The ANC's failure at succession planning and inability to attract young blood from outside contribute to the general disconnect with the people it claims to serve. It cannot adapt and modernise to keep pace with a rapidly changing world, come up with fresh ideas, or abandon the ideological claptrap that has long ceased to make sense. In truth, the ANC brand is so sullied that it will struggle to pass on to future generations the legacy that made it an extraordinary political organisation.
That was why a simple excursion was elevated to a special event on the political scene this week. EFF leaders were given a guided tour of Robben Island by two high-profile former political prisoners, Laloo Chiba and Kgalema Motlanthe...