Hogarth on expensive data, Januworry and the Zuma Meghan Trainor cover.
'I Did It My Way' - the dance remix
Baba kaDuduzane finally has a recording deal - thanks to eThekwini mayor Zandile Gumede. The Nkandla Crooner's album release is the most anticipated event since his recall from office. Hogarth couldn't help wondering what to expect from this Nkandla hitmaker. What about a song with Meghan Trainor titled All About That Case, a remix of Snoop Dogg's '90s hit Capture Was the Case, or a collaboration with Coolio, Gupta's Paradise.
Airtime crisis in Jacob's Januworry
Barely a month after joining the Twitter world, Baba kaD has attracted more than 150,000 followers. Unlike other users who waste time putting their thoughts into words, the Nkandla Crooner has invented Twitter-video - giving us his views about everything under the Nkandla sun. He is not shy to display his sense of humour. When his followers were expecting further videos on Thursday, the Nkandla Crooner twitted: "No video today, idata iyabiza (data is expensive)."
Clean up our finances first, please
Uncle Tito has been hallucinating on social media lately, attracting a lot of flak from the unforgiving twitteratti. His Twitter timeline is as busy as Donald Trump's, except he does not promote hate. He caused a Twitter stir when he told his followers that he had recently discovered that Jozi is one huge dump site and that Kigali is the cleanest city in Africa. Uncle Tito, where have you been hiding all these years? Or maybe you just wanted to boast about your visit to Rwanda.
Let them eat steak
Her Royal Highness Khusela Diko, the Abathembu princess who moonlights as McBuffalo's spin doctor, recently tied the knot with her boo, AmaBhaca royal King Thandisizwe Diko. About two weeks after the wedding, Mthatha thieves expropriated the 24 cattle King Thandisizwe paid for KhusKhus's lobola. A naughty colleague of Hogarth's remarked: "The revolution is here. These comrades were preparing themselves for the day they get their land back."
A good party for the new year
The makhulu baas at Primedia, Mahlatse Mahlase, shared a text message she received from Uncle Gweezy on New Year's Day in an ANC WhatsApp group. "I wish all good journalists a happy new year. Pass this to other good journos!" Is Uncle Gweezy dropping hints? Is he joining Aunty Pat?
Some of us left our hearts in Cuba
The Cosatu-affiliated South African Democratic Teachers Union congratulated its members for producing improved matric results. The union said teachers, especially in rural areas, delivered under difficult conditions. The union also hit out at the Desperate Alliance, saying the opposition party's attack on its members was misplaced. What worried Old Hog was the headline of the statement, which read: "SADTU 2018 National Señor Certificate Results Statement". No wonder our education system is such a mess, if that's how teachers spell.
Lies, damned lies and statistics
Western Cape education MEC Debbie Schäfer is such a sore loser. Instead of congratulating her Gauteng counterpart Panyaza Lesufi for delivering better matric results, Schäfer created her own "real" statistics. She claimed her province came first in terms of the "real matric pass rate" because it achieved the highest retention rate. "Our retention rate from grade 10 to 12 is the highest in the country, at around 63%. Not a single other province managed to achieve over 50% retention rate," she boasted. What's in the water down in the Cape? Day Zero?..