It should be a no-brainer: mountain gorillas have shown us that men who take excellent care of small children are more attractive to the adult fertile females in the group. As for humans, the data gathered in a recently released report, The State of SA's Fathers 2018, corroborates not only the attractiveness to women of good dads, but shows that the country as a whole benefits when men are also on board with parenting.
The report, compiled by Sonke Gender Justice and the Human Sciences Research Council, uses extensive research to scientifically demonstrate that early childhood development is enhanced exponentially when dads are involved in their children's lives from the get-go. Just as important, research has shown that men themselves are highly enriched by the experience of fatherhood.
So where do we go from here?
Much was made of the publicised finding that only 36% of South African children live in the same household as their biological fathers, but the same report spelt out a way of thinking that could turn the tide on this worrying statistic. The solution is not simply to condemn those fathers who do not show interest in their children, but to focus on those who put effort into parenting. Instead of putting absent fathers in the naughty corner and shaming them for shirking their responsibilities, there is a push to celebrate present fathers and highlight what they - and their children - gain from this role.
Paternity leave
Shuaib Salie is a fatherhood facilitator at NGO The Parent Centre in Cape Town. He runs support groups for fathers in some of the city's lowest-resourced areas.
"The label 'absent father' is counterproductive," says Salie. "It has a negative impact not only on the father but also on his family. We focus on the benefits of father involvement and how they can be a part of their children's lives, whether the parents are married or not."
The rubber stamp late last year on 10 days of paternity leave in SA is also a symbol of hope that the mood is slowly changing.
Wits University professor Linda Richter, who was instrumental in compiling the State of SA's Fathers report, notes that "the potential of fathers, in all forms, to contribute to the future of SA is being recognised", and that all the research points to the fact that "men who participate in the pregnancy, birth and early years of their children's lives are often transformed by their experience, with deep and enduring emotional attachment to their children".
'Pure and true love'
It sometimes takes a light dusting of celebrity sugar to sweeten the deal: when men see their role models taking pride in their active role as parents, they are encouraged to follow suit.
Musician Loyiso Bala says: "I used to think that fatherhood was about providing for and protecting your family. However, being a father myself now, I have realised that there is so much more to it than that. It is also about taking joint responsibility for both the physical and spiritual wellbeing of your children and to continue growing in that role.
"You may not realise just how much children are a gift and a reward from God until you are taking care of one yourself. When I was in my twenties, the idea of having children used to freak me out a little, yet now with two of my own, I wouldn't want it any other way."
Reflecting on how fatherhood has changed him as a person, Bala says: "They have added so much value to my life. I am a different and better man than I have ever been before. If you have a child but you're not appreciating this gift like you should, you are losing out on pure and true love."
For Afrikaans singer-songwriter and television presenter Kurt Darren, the recent wave of research on the importance of fathers confirms what he has always practised - engaged fatherhood was a goal his whole life and he hopes to inspire other men.
"Irrespective of what science and most certainly psychology insinuate about a father's involvement in a child's life, I have always grown up with the belief and desire to be an involved father, and it gives me great pleasure to be one to a daughter and son at present."
Being a public figure also comes with the responsibility to spread this message.
"I am fortunate to be in a position which grants me access to a wide network of people and I can only hope that the things they see and hear via the media regarding me in my role as a father are positive at all times and possibly inspire dads and moms alike to be involved, truly present in their children's lives."
Outliers
Another move away from the shaming game comes through understanding the legacy of our past and the challenges of contemporary SA. Apartheid land seizures, segregation policies and migrant labour created a culture of broken families.
"Only a small proportion of men, mostly those who are better off, live with their children," says Richter. "Men living apart from their children do so as a result of many factors, most of which are socioeconomic vestiges of our shameful political past, and the painful challenges of couples remaining attached under social and other pressures."
This in turn resulted in negative portrayals of fathers, to the extent that those doing a diligent job are all but discounted as outliers.
The report talks about the "deficit paradigm" - a view of fathers that mainly portrays them as being physically and emotionally absent.
This paradigm, together with statistical snapshots of biological fathers' living arrangements and harmful fatherhood practices, do not constitute the full picture of fatherhood.
Creating space
So what are men experiencing that we don't get to hear about?
A man who asked not to be named said: "Eighteen years ago, when my girlfriend fell pregnant, the only thing we spoke about was whether I could help with the money. I couldn't. And I just walked away. My mother said I had failed. When my ex sends me pictures of our daughter, I feel bad about the money, but I also feel like she [my daughter] is someone I don't know. And I feel empty, you know. I can't go back on the clock."
In Salie's experience, it is very challenging to work on changing the image of fatherhood and to get men to attend workshops, but once they agree, he says, "it is life-changing".
"It's not seen as 'normal' for men to speak about their feelings or their children. However, once a space is created for them to speak, they learn more about themselves and their personal challenges and how best to deal with it. They enjoy the camaraderie shared in the group and realise that there are other fathers with similar issues," he says.
For Mbuyiselo Botha from the Commission for Gender Equality, a father's love is as unique and important as that of a mother. In 1986, he was shot in the head by police and ended up in hospital fighting for his life. In the State of SA's Fathers report, he describes how, through this event, he began to miss the love of a father he did not know.
His mother kept a lone vigil at his bedside but, he said, "I needed a father figure so desperately as I was lying on that bed in a Sebokeng hospital, not knowing if I would ever be able to walk again or even to perform any basic function. Although my mom kept assuring me that all will be well, I desperately needed my own father at that time to also affirm me, as a man, that I would be fine."
The void left by the absence of his father is one replicated over and over again in SA, but maybe, just maybe, the tide is slowly turning...