We're all Vernon Philander. Not as bowlers: none of those who have marked out a run-up since he made his test debut in that mad game against Australia at Newlands in November 2011 - 96 all out followed by 47 all out, half of them his for only 15 - are as good at making cricket balls lie through the teeth of their seams.
"I'm shaping in," they say sweetly, and batsmen can't help but believe them. "Ha! Gone away. Sorry for you..."
Among modern bowlers, few have more batting ability than Philander. He marries instinct to intelligence to intent and, more often than not, reaps the rewards that come with playing proper strokes.
We are nowhere near Philander as cricketers. So, how are we Philander? As humans.
There's a frailty to Philander that makes him one of us.Had a fight with the boss? Ah. Happens to everybody. Let's have a beer and talk about the obscene outrage that is Neymar's transfer fee.
Stuck in traffic? Sterkte, mate. I'll keep your beer in the fridge.
Woke up with stiff lower back? Careful: you wouldn't want to, say, bowl 20 overs today.
Not that people who dodge doctors in the dressing room to go out and bat with a broken hand would understand.
"He can't seem to make it through series; his body is maybe not fit enough," Graeme Smith said on Test Match Special on Friday after Philander pulled out of the Old Trafford test with, wouldn't you know it, a stiff lower back.
"It's been an issue but it's becoming serious. You're trying to build a team and if your senior players can't get through tours then you've got a problem.
"He took a blow [on the hand while batting] at Lord's and it took a crane to get him back onto the field.
"There's been too many times where you're fighting to get him onto the field."..