If Kaizer Chiefs were a country, they would be, erm, Zimbachwe.
President Steve Komgabe would be the unwanted guy who turned a country of plenty admired as a breadbasket of trophies into a derided basket case of also-rans.
Former second-in-command Doctor Khumnangwa would be hiding away in Polowayo.
This, after fleeing the capital Haraturena Village, following a tactical disagreement with Komgabe on the deployment of troops.
The millions of Zimba nationals, who had pledged unflinching allegiance to their country, have developed a serious allergy to Komgabe.They are sick to the stomach from the almost three-year tyranny that trophyless Komgabe has visited on their beloved flag.
They want him gone - as in yesterday.
The reality is Kaizer Chiefs is not a country but a football club.
A football club now eating crumbs from the masters' (Mamelodi Sundowns, SuperSport United and Bidvest Wits) table. A club whose fans are confronted with a coach scratching the bottom of the excuses barrel.
Black bones like me entered the realm of tragicomedy with some mind-numbing, skull-scratching post-match commentary.
After Chiefs were played off the pitch by Chippa United midweek, the man of words proffered something to the effect that his players' profligacy in front of goal was because of, wait for it, fear of rebuke from social media.Huh? You think I sucked this out of my thumb? Here's the main man in his own words: "Unfortunately we are living in the social media era where everything is in the players' faces.
"At the end of the game the player goes out and checks (what is being said about him). If he has missed chances, they say he is a cow, he is this and that.
"That player is obviously going to be affected emotionally and mentally and he is not going to be the same player in terms of trying to score in the next game.
"He won't want to get into a position which is going to expose him because after trying and failing he faces abuse," the coach revealed.
Yehheni!!! (hands on head exclamation).
What Komphela has unwittingly said is that he has a bunch of mental midgets at his disposal.
Is he basically calling his players carcasses who are disposed of by social media scavengers?
Yehheni!
Every day players the world over get roasted, chastised and lambasted on all manner of social media platforms.
The following day they go back to the workplace and work on delivering an improved performance the next time they are on the pitch.
Komphela has really upped the ante in the excuses department. Remember that he once blamed the grass?
Next he will find fault with the air. Strue!In the past when Chiefs were in a spot of bother and had to chuck the coach to touch during the course of the season, they would look at the assistants to step in.
The double DKs - Doctor Khumalo and Ace Khuse - would step on to the plate as temporary solutions.
Who do they turn to now?
With all due respect to Patrick Mabedi, a fine gentleman of the game, getting rid of the man from Kroonstad and replacing him with the brother from Blantyre would be jumping from the pan straight into the fire.
But who can rescue Chiefs from rolling on the red hot coals?
Whenever and wherever they played, they commanded cogent crowds. Even they are staying away.
They would prefer that the coach proffers his resignation.
From being a breadbasket of silverware, they've been relegated to a basket case of also-rans.
• Twitter: @bbkunplugged99..