Welcome to the new branch of the Stuart Baxter restaurant of excuses.
Excuses are the staple diet of our existence. True to our motto, we always shift the blame to everything and everybody but ourselves. It is never our fault.
This branch is a massive upgrade. If the Libya excuses made you puke, you are guaranteed to vomit this time around.
You are welcome to sample today's special menu. It's a scrumptous buffet of excuses prepared by the chief-gourmet-in-excuses himself, Bax.
Bafana's embarrassing 0-0 draw with 189th-ranked Seychelles seemingly unleashed Baxter's creative juices. As starters, the first in a stew of excuses fresh from the oven, served on a bed of a bad artificial pitch is this gem: "I met the Nigeria coach in London and he told me that the pitch was the worst he had played on and I agree with him. A combination of the pitch, time wasting, cheating, and a poor refereeing performance," said Baxter.
Clearly, the Nigeria coach omitted to inform Baxter that his team beat Seychelles on that selfsame bad pitch.
Blaming the ball boys for his charges' failure to find the back of the net against a side composed of 98% part-time footballers is a new low even for Baxter. Seriously bra, the ball boys? What's next? The weather?
The main course and it's an a la carte: "I don't wanna say this is Africa, but the referees, pitches and the faking of the injuries is a very difficult challenge. That's the frustration for me. We were ready for the game. We were not complacent," expanded Baxter. Sorry Stu. Of course this IS Africa where Europeans who encounter failure dredge up that old, tired "oh, this is Africa" refrain when they have no other way of camouflaging their failures. Phew, what condescension.
The dessert is something special.
"There was some unbelievable cheating and time wasting from our opponents. We also hit the post and were denied a clear penalty while Nigeria got a penalty there. Those are the margins; you need some luck on that pitch."
Tuesday's pseudo performance not only saw Bafana surrender Group E top spot to Nigeria, it undermined a fantastic fact that they - together with the Cranes of Uganda - have not conceded in this qualifying campaign with two games to go.
Nigeria are next in November and they are no Seychelles. We beat them 2-0 away in Uyo in March in a great, chest swelling, spring-in-the-step historic maiden victory in an official match. But those Super Eagles were at sixes and sevens, flying on a wing and a prayer and sans six of their regular starting stars.
They are back and led by Odion Ighalo, who is firing on all cylinders, sitting atop the scorers chart of this qualification campaign with six. His hat-trick did the trick in the 4-0 pasting of Libya whom Bafana played a drab draw at home. He converted a penalty when Nigeria put Seychelles to the sword (0-3) on that ALLEGEDLY hard to play pitch in Victoria. There'll be no place to hide at FNB Stadium come November 17.
There'll be no ball boys wasting time. There'll be no cabbage patch.
There'll be no more space left to stomach more mumbo jumbo from Stuart Baxter's restaurant of excuses. The man must shape up or ship out. Stu. I mean strue...