Going for gold

12 December 2011 - 01:40 By Refilwe Boikanyo
subscribe Just R20 for the first month. Support independent journalism by subscribing to our digital news package.
Subscribe now

Gold digging is an ancient phenomenon. I am not referring to that equally age-old gold mining activity. I'm talking about when someone wants "love" for financial gain, which is becoming increasingly socially acceptable.

According to an article in UK newspaper The Guardian, seminars are being offered in the US ''on marrying rich", using "a 14-point system" to help women snag multimillionaires.

Women can sign up for courses like "Gold Digging 101" or, at a much-reduced fee, buy field guides with titles like How to Join the Club of the Rich and Famous.

The self-proclaimed local Queen Of Bling, Khanyi Mbau, comes to mind when thinking of the art of gold digging. When Mbau was 20 she got married and had a baby with Mandla Mthembu, a 50-year-old journalist-turned-millionaire.

Mbau's relationship with Mthembu resulted in speculation that she had married the "old" man for his money, which she denied.

Nine months later they went through a bitter divorce , with Mthembu alleging that Mbau was after his fortune. Soon after the split, Mbau was in relationships with rich, powerful men.

Mbau has said, on numerous occasions, that she will never date a poor man. But, in a telephone interview last week, Mbau said she did not consider herself a gold digger.

"Gold diggers don't give birth and don't get married, because they always want to perform and be at the top of their game. Unlike them, I don't think that a relationship should be a business deal - women shouldn't be dating men in order to secure a meal ticket for life," she said.

"I believe that a man should take responsibility, provide and be the head of the family ."

Her last comment highlights the fact that, despite the advent of the independent woman, many women insist on being financially looked after .

But relationship consultant Ali Murray says there are men who sing the same tune.

"We are seeing a big trend in role reversals, where women are earning more money than men, where they are taking positions on the board of directors and, with this trend, we are also seeing many more men who are happy to live off their partners," Murray says.

"Why is it perceived as being such a bad thing? Perhaps for some people money and gifts are the only things that make them feel loved. Is this shallow? Perhaps, but at least these people know what they want and what makes them feel happy - it's money," argues Murray.

But what types of people attract gold diggers and why are they so willing to open their wallets?

"Sugar daddies and sugar mommies are often kind, gentle and generous people who are lonely, and desperate to be loved," says Murray.

Last week I met Lesley Martin*, 57, who says her late father was a sugar daddy, who selected young women only interested in his money.

Martin says: "Once he was getting his hair cut, and mentioned to a beautiful, young, blonde, Roxette-looking hairdresser that he was going to the States. She told him that she'd always wanted to go to America, so he invited her along. All he packed was three pairs of undies and socks plus a wad of travellers' cheques.

"He told Roxette not to pack luggage because they would buy what they needed as they went along. They chartered private flights and flew all over America. By the time she returned home [after leaving him in Las Vegas] she had accumulated two large top-of-the-range Samsonite suitcases full of what her heart desired."

Murray says that Roxette's abrupt departure is typical of a gold-digger relationship.

*Not her real name.

subscribe Just R20 for the first month. Support independent journalism by subscribing to our digital news package.
Subscribe now