Chrissy Teigen opens up about her grieving journey in lengthy essay

“I’m not sure I’ll ever forget the experience.”

28 October 2020 - 15:00 By Masego Seemela
Chrissy Teigen has detailed the horrific experience of losing her son and explained why she needed to write about it and share what she went through with others.
Chrissy Teigen has detailed the horrific experience of losing her son and explained why she needed to write about it and share what she went through with others.
Image: Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic via Getty Images

“I’m not sure I’ll ever forget the experience.”

Those are the words of American model Chrissy Teigen about losing her newborn son after being hospitalised due to pregnancy complications earlier this month.

On October 1, Chrissy took to Instagram and shared that she and her husband John Legend lost their son Jack after doctors diagnosed her with partial placental abruption.

She also revealed that she would have had to have an induced birth to deliver the baby prematurely at 20 weeks.

A few weeks after losing her son, Chrissy wrote about her heartbreaking experience of what happened that day in an essay published on Medium.

“I had no idea when I would be ready to write this. Part of me thought it would be early on when I was still really feeling the pain of what happened. I thought I would sit in the corner of my bedroom with the lights dimmed, just rolling off my thoughts. I’d have a glass of red wine, cosy up with a blanket, and finally, get the chance to address 'what happened,'" she wrote in her opening paragraph.

She then went on to explain how everyone flooded her DMs with well wishes.

“After we first lost Jack, I found myself incredibly worried that I wasn’t able to thank everyone for their extreme kindness.”

Chrissy then started to recount the dreadful moment in the hospital room.

“After a couple of nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming, it was time to say goodbye. He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either.”

She explained how she instructed John to take photos and document their time in the hospital, even though the singer was uncomfortable at some points in the process.

“I explained to a very hesitant John that I needed them and that I did NOT want to have to ever ask. That he just had to do it. He hated it. I could tell.

“It didn’t make sense to him at the time. But I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story,” she wrote.

Though some people harshly criticised Chrissy for oversharing her experience by posting photos from the hospital, she wrote how little she cared that people hated the photos.

“I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like.

“These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me.”

Even though she went through a heartbreaking experience, Chrissy said how grateful she was to spend time with her two children, Luna and Miles, and have her husband by her side.


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