Full pedal jacket

South Africa may be the only country in the world where cycling is a contact sport - which is a tad surprising given that it's difficult to miss the sight of slightly overweight men in Lycra suits, sunglasses and helmets.

I'll be the first to say that cyclists don't stand a chance against reckless drivers, but I'll also be the first to say that some cyclists themselves are reckless and cause a danger to motorists.

Today, though, I'm going to berate cyclists from a different point of view.

1. They never take off their shoes

The hallmark of any wanna-be professional cyclist is the cost of their cycling shoes, which in some instances rivals the cost of 13" tyres.

Perhaps that's why they feel justified in strutting about coffee shops fully decked out for the Tour de France when they are only on their weekly fun ride ... a full 5km from home.

2. They seem to get a thrill out of terrorising pedestrians

Maybe its because cyclists get bullied by motorists so often that they feel the need to bully pedestrians in turn. Not because they are in a hurry or trying to keep up with their posse, but rather because cyclists get a sense of power when riding between two elderly pedestrians.

3. They are convinced they always have the right of way

Otherwise known as continually riding through red traffic lights, or groups of cyclists riding six abreast. Although they expect other road-users to be aware of their surroundings, they themselves are lacking in this department.

4. They don't wear helmets

Not wearing a helmet, it seems, suggests you are afraid you don't look cool and that your friends will laugh at you. What are you? Eight years old?

5. They wear headphones

It's only a matter of time before someone invents a sound system for bicycles, but until then, many cyclists prefer their personal choice of music to hearing sirens and car hooters. Sadly, only one of those two choices is the difference between being able to walk and being in a wheelchair.

6. They wear Lycra

Need I say more? Seriously, Lycra is as unforgiving on soft-bellied cyclists as it is on the rest of us. If only the JMPD had a fashion police force - some cyclists would get hefty fines.

Don't get me wrong, I admire cyclists. They are in (some sort of) shape, their shoes cost more than all of mine combined, they get away with wearing mismatching outfits and ride bikes which cost the same as an entry-level car.

They are probably successful men and women with degrees and holiday homes at the coast. But when they slip on their cycling gear, they ditch all respectability and turn into spectacles of amusement.

If motorists can find no other reason to give way to, or be aware of, cyclists, do it for the sake of being able to giggle at their elaborate dress sense. It will break the monotony of bumper-to-bumper traffic.