Storm the Union Bastille

Ben Trovato : I usually dream like a dog: a lot of kicking and jerking and whining and yelping and then I wake up and want to be fed and taken for a walk.

But something has changed. I no longer dream of chasing balls on the beach or having my way with shaggy-haired bitches right there in the park.

Instead, I have been dreaming of the French Revolution. This is not normal, as I was taught to forget the past. So I did, and failed history every year.

On Tuesday I turned on the television to anaesthetise my brain to the violence that wracked Paris in the 18th century, only to be assailed by images of angry mobs marching on parliament. It was like a dream come true.

I grabbed my pitchfork and flaming torch and, sans culottes, was about to take to the streets when Brenda reminded me that I hadn't done the washing up. I tried to imagine Mrs Bonaparte shouting: "Napoleon! Don't think you can leave those dirty clothes on the floor!" "But ma cherie, I've just got back from Egypt ..."

While I was doing the dishes, my mind drifted, as it so often does when I'm forced to do women's work. It struck me that there are alarming parallels between the French Revolution and SA today. And even if there aren't, I could easily manipulate the facts to make it look as if there are. This is why we need a media tribunal.

Let's look at what led to the French Revolution: economic factors. These include malnutrition caused by rising bread prices. By the end of 1789, a loaf cost a staggering 12 sous in Paris. By the middle of 2010, a loaf cost a staggering R12 in Fish Hoek.

Near bankruptcy as a result of the many wars fought by Louis XV. South Africa, too, could be heading for bankruptcy as a result of the many legal battles fought by state officials.

Circumstances were made worse by the monarch's ineptitude and the lack of social services for war veterans. Ditto SA, minus the monarchy.

A grossly inequitable system of taxation. Yep, that's us, too.

The conspicuous consumption of the noble classes despite the suffering of the people. Sound familiar?

Peasants stormed the Bastille. Cosatu marches on the Union Buildings.

Before the revolution, France was divided into three estates. The first estate was the clergy, the second the nobility and the third was made up of the commoners who had to pay disproportionately high taxes even though they had little or no wealth. It's no coincidence that today the media is referred to as the fourth estate.

In 1793, during the revolution, the Law of Suspects was enacted. It called for a general round-up of suspects "who, by their conduct, comments or writings, have shown themselves partisans of tyranny or federalism ..."

It's safe to assume the ANC is basing its proposals on the Law of Suspects. Well, not to worry. Since the government seems hellbent on reversing us into the future, the Age of Enlightenment can't be far off.