Hogarth : 12 September 2010

Hogarth knows no political allegiance and is equally impatient with ideological lunacy be it peddled by the left, the right or the centre.

Unionists no match for state's honey trap

IT fell to former trade unionist Enoch Godongwana to explain this week why the Zuma government had failed to implement the radical economic reforms promised at the ANC's watershed Polokwane conference in 2007.

The state, he said, was an "obstruction" that was blocking implementation of the party's policies.

"You come in to the state as militant as Vavi," Godongwana said, pointing to the Cosatu general secretary sitting next to him, "and it captures you ..."

He should know: he's the deputy minister of public enterprises.

Please release me!

COSATU's president, Sdumo Dlamini, was driving to a national skills summit near Pretoria, where he was to make a speech in support of the public sector strike, when he found himself stuck in a Numsa blockade on the R21 highway.

Even when the strikers were told Dlamini was their leader and on official business, they would not let him pass. Hogarth hears it took several Cosatu officials to convince the workers it was right for their president to cross their picket line.

A slip - or a message?

PRESIDENT Zuma has been hard at work bolstering his position ahead of next week's ANC jamboree in Durban. Some have suggested Zuma's job may be on the line and have been touting his deputy as a successor. So, was it a slip of the Freudian sort when Cosatu deputy general secretary Bheki Ntshalintshali, in a vote of thanks following a speech by Kgalema Motlanthe, addressed the nation's second in command as "Comrade President"?

MPs overcome their thingies

IT was a slow afternoon in parliament. There were a few reports to vote on and a few statements to be heard before everyone could head out into the spring sun. But as they tried to vote, one member stood up to report: "Mr Speaker, my thingie won't work." And before the speaker could say "Lindiwe Sisulu", everyone was leaping up to report their voting buttons were also out of order.

"Mr Speaker, it is a very grave matter when your thingie won't work. What would you do, sir, if your thingie wouldn't work?" asked Mike Ellis, chief whip of the Desperate Alternative.

"Well, not what you're doing," the less assertive sibling of the aforementioned Lindiwe said mysteriously. Clearly, the affairs of state could be better attended to elsewhere, so some of the handful of MPs present began to put away their crosswords and head for the door. "No, no, members, please don't leave. Ushers, close the doors. Lock them, preferably," cried Sisulu Minor, as he saw his quorum melting away.

And so, like the Russians in space, pencils were produced to do the work of technology as hands were counted and democracy notched up another triumph.

Acrimonious acronyms

EARLIER this week, it was Zuma helping to lighten the mood as former comrade Phillip Dexter stirred the alphabet soup of South African politics. Asking from the COPE benches whether seats on the aircraft when the president travelled abroad were only for friends and relatives, Dexter said BEE seemed to have become "Zee-ee-ee". Zuma asked innocently: "What is this CEE?" Which allowed Dexter to explain: "It's Zed-ee-ee, Mr President, as in Zuma economic empowerment."

English outpost of yore

ENGLAND cricketer Kevin Pietersen - who hails originally from Pietermaritzburg, says he is coming to South Africa to play for "Natal". Shall we assume he means KwaZulu-Natal?

Mini Bob has his say

WHO said: "We need a leader who will commit to the transformation of the economy unashamedly, without the intention to please Britain"? Was it:

a) Robert Mugabe;

b) Fidel Castro; or

c) Julius Malema.

Answer: c - It was Mad Bob's understudy giving Zuma notice that he expects him not only to back the nationalisation of the country's mines, but the expropriation of private property.

• Write to: hogarth@sundaytimes.co.za