Get tough, says Tiger Mother

A Yale law professor has caused an uproar by accusing American mothers of failing their children because of weak and permissive parenting.

Amy Chua, author of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, advocates an ultra-strict parenting regime, which she says is the reason for the relatively high academic performance of Asian children.

In an extract from the book, published in the Wall Street Journal under the heading "Why Chinese mothers are superior", Chua writes: "Here are some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do: attend a sleepover; have a playdate; be in a school play; complain about not being in a school play; watch TV or play computer games; choose their own extracurricular activities; get any grade less than an A; not be the No 1 student in every subject, except gym and drama; play any instrument other than the piano or violin; not play the piano or violin."

Chua says that even when "Western parents" think they are being strict, they are not coming close to the strictness needed to produce success.

"My Western friends who consider themselves strict make their children practise their instruments for 30 minutes every day. An hour at most. For a Chinese mother, the first hour is the easy part. It's hours two and three that get tough."

The book has outraged American mothers, among them Ayelet Waldman, author of Bad Mother.

Said Waldman in a riposte in the Wall Street Journal under the heading "In defence of the guilty, ambivalent, preoccupied Western mom":

"Were I crafting my own bombastic and compelling rebuttal to Chua, I might point out, as others have, that Asian-American girls aged 15 to 24 have above-average rates of suicide. I might question the hubris of taking credit for success that is as likely to have resulted from the genetic blessings of musicality and intellect as from the 'Chinese' child-rearing techniques of shrieking and name-calling."

Waldman said different parenting styles were needed for different children. "Roaring like a tiger turns some children into pianists who debut at Carnegie Hall, but only crushes others."

Chua advocates "practice, practice, practice" even at things that children do not want to do or appear to be no good at.

"What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it.

''To get good at anything, you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents, because the child will resist. Things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up."

Chua describes how she once called her daughter Sophia "garbage" for being disrespectful.

"When I mentioned that I had done this at a dinner party, I was immediately ostracised.

"Chinese mothers can say to their daughters, 'Hey, fatty, lose some weight.' By contrast, Western parents have to tiptoe around the issue, talking in terms of 'health' and never ever mentioning the f-word, and their kids still end up in therapy for eating disorders and negative self-image."