Not cool at school

My son is in grade 1 and already hates school. No amount of bribing and talking to him can convince him that school can be fun. I hate that he might spend 12 years unhappily. I am thinking of moving schools. What should I do?

SHRINK RAP SAYS:

THE most important step to take before any intervention is to gain a proper understanding of the problem. The best way to do this is to consider all the possibilities and then arrive at a conclusion through the elimination of these numerous possibilities.

Anxiety at the age of six is quite common, even if the child is not normally anxious. Anxiety could be caused by fear of separation, fear of change or concern about something happening at home, or because he is being overwhelmed by the demands of more formal education.

A lack of school readiness could be another reason. This could be the result of emotional immaturity. It could also be that your son's perceptual skills are not yet well enough developed for grade 1.

Attention deficit disorder is a possibility, as well as auditory and visual processing difficulties all of which would result in the child being unsure of what is expected and feeling out of step with what is happening around him.

The next possibility is the teacher. I feel so strongly about the role of a grade 1 teacher in a child's school career that I would choose or disqualify a school purely on this basis. Since you do not get a second chance to make a first impression, a grade 1 teacher that causes a child distress can ruin a child's school career. A bad school experience at this stage can also destroy the child's relationship with learning. And it can break down the child's self-esteem and belief in his ability to learn.

Bullying is yet another potential cause.

Lastly you should look at whether your son has concerns over changes in his life like recent losses. A less likely but possible cause is depression which your paediatrician can asses for you.

Do not expect your son to articulate the reason or necessarily believe that what he identifies as the reason is the real or only one. Children are quite concrete in their thinking and will latch onto something overt to try to explain what may be too subtle or abstract for them to understand, like their own immaturity.

Do not do anything drastic until you are sure that you know what the problem is. For this you need the help of competent professionals. - Leonard Carr

SUPERNANNY SAYS:

Before you move your son, it is really important to find out the cause of why he does not like school, as was suggested in Shrink Rap. If children feel they do not fit into a group for any reason they would certainly feel unhappy about attending school on a daily basis.

It's important that before running to other schools, you get clarity on what is at the root of his unhappiness and see if it is possible to resolve it within the present context.

You can help him to make friends, by organising play dates, ensuring he has all the requirements for school and that he can choose, where possible, what he puts in his school bag for lunch and so on.

If the cause is insurmountable, then research the other schools you might consider for your son privately and only transfer him if you feel this will really change his experience of school.

Listen to your "inner voice", your intuition, throughout this process. It will guide you to what is best for your son. - Stephanie J Dawson-Cosser