Hogarth: 18 June 2011

Hogarth: Hogarth knows no political allegiance and is equally impatient with ideological lunacy be it peddled by the left, the right or the centre.

Some smooth listening for all the ladies out there

What are we to make of President Zuma's selection of five songs for Azania Ndoro's mid-morning show on Metro FM on Youth Day? Chains of Love suggested he was feeling the burden of three wives and a fiancée, and Brook Benton's My True Confession gave Hogarth hope that the truth was about to emerge about the arms deal. The lyrics suggest, though, that he was just missing the one that got away: "I was a lyin', cheating fool/Treated her so cruel/Broke her heart and made her cry/Broke every rule and that's my/ True confession."

Then Lie to Me sealed Hogarth's disappointment with : "So lie to me, lie to me/ Make me believe everything you say/ Just, lie, lie, lie, lie/ I'd rather have it that way."

As Benton croons in another of Zuma's favourites, Take Good Care of Her: "It hurt too much to face the situation."

All we were left with was his heartfelt final selection: Oh Lord, Why Lord?

Alright for some

AT least Juju was on his side when the ANC Youth League conference finally got going. Wee Julius was at pains to stress to the cheering crowd that they should each choose one spouse or partner and be faithful to that person. But he exempted the Big Man at his elbow, saying his admonition did not apply to the president, who "has a right to practise his culture".

A creche course

WHEN is a pre-school not a kindergarten? Apparently when Wee Julius is head boy. He told delegates waiting to re-elect him that the league was "not a kindergarten as some would have us believe", but a formidable political force.

Hogarth clearly recalls the young lions declaring their organisation a "political pre-school of the ANC" - so something does not add up.

Career guidance

AT least the lad realises that if you can't add - he got 12 out of 200 for matric maths - and you failed woodwork, you should not hope to run a bank. He encouraged his troops in Thaba Nchu last weekend to take courses that would enable them to lead financial institutions when his dream of nationalising the banks comes true. "We must take courses that are relevant to economic freedom fighters," he said to loud applause. "(Don't) think you can be CEO of Standard Bank with your fail in woodwork."

But what about running a mine? Malema's "F" for geography was one of his better marks in matric.

Your number's up

ACCORDING to the official text of his budget address to parliament, ANC kindergarten graduate Malusi Gigaba ended: "I accordingly request this house to support the Department of Public Enterprise's budget of R230231000 million." With one of the smallest departments, what he actually got was R230-million. Hogarth would be inclined to forgive the obvious typographical error, but this is the fellow who says he needs to take much closer control of the state companies we rely on for transport, electricity and such essentials. If he can't control the presentation of his most important annual address, is there any reason to hope he will be able to keep the lights on?

Affection, ex officio

MUCH is being made, Hogarth notes, of Julius's promise that the kids who put Zuma into power in Polokwane would stand by him in the Union Buildings. Did no one notice the caveat? He said: "These people will protect you - for as long as you are leader of the ANC."

Bitter einding

ATHOL Trollip, leader of the Desperate Alternative in parliament, should know the dangers of e-mail, but thought fit to tell a party colleague what he really thought of the Freedom Front in a message that went astray. "Please answer this A**hole once and for all, deal with the Afrikaner issue that he raises ... especially if he is the reincarnation of the AWB, KP, FF+, NAZI. Stuur die IDIOOT in sy moer in asseblief," he allegedly wrote.

Hogarth hears the FF was quite cross and doesn't want to play any more.

Write to: hogarth@sundaytimes.co.za