Suarez humbles hallucinator Hodgson

Whom the gods would destroy they first make mad.

Roy Hodgson auditioned for time in the looney bin when he blurted a statement that was, is and will always be, a figment of his rich imagination, if he has one.

Before England's clash against Uruguay, Hodgson was preaching a mind-boggling gospel. In a moment of madness he mumbled a ludicrous assertion.

Luis Suarez, said he, "was not world class" and couldn't be considered an all-time great because he hadn't done anything at World Cup level.

With your permission, dear reader, allow me to rechristen the soon-to-be former England manager Mister Roy Hallucination.

Statements similar to those of Hallucination are expected from people with a disjuncture between the brain and the mouth - the type blessed with the uncanny ability to convert fact to fiction.

For the fact is that Suarez and his Uruguay are the champions of their continent, which has the ABC of South American football - Argentina, Brazil and Colombia - all of whom have won matches, while Hallucination has presided over two defeats.

As you read this, Hodgson - I mean Hallucination - is still nursing a helluva heartbreak inflicted by a world-class deadly double from the head and boot of a world-class player from the tiny nation of Uruguay.

The self-same non-world-class Suarez, who plays for a Liverpool side that fired the "world-class" Hallucination after six months and seven days into a three-year contract.

The Suarez who, last season, led Liverpool's fervent - but failed - charge for the championship with glorious world-class goals.

While Hallucination prepares his eliminated team for a match that's merely an academic affair against Costa Rica, he must ponder whether his statement was a non-subconscious jab at his own skipper.

"You can be a great player in your league but, to be recognised as one of the all-time greats, you have got to do it at the World Cup."

Steven Gerrard is a great player in his league, but hasn't done it at the World Cup - if doing it at the World Cup means winning it, something England only did in 1966.

And Wayne Rooney is a great player in his league, but he only broke his World Cup goal virginity on Thursday.

Yes, Suarez was the villain of the last World Cup when his "Hand of the Devil" broke African hearts and blocked the continent's path to a maiden semifinal appearance.

Yes, Suarez showed his amazing artistry with his dental formula when he mistook Branislav Ivanovic's arm for a succulent leg of lamb.

Yes, he is crazy. Not as crazy as Hallucination, but still crazy.

Winning crazy. Character crazy. Personality crazy. And the game needs characters, personalities.

Suarez is intense. Andrea Pirlo is coolness personified. Hodgson, served a huge helping of humble pie by Suarez, is Hallucination in person.

It is the England national team that's not world-class?

The world-class players who play in England are not English.

Yaya Toure. Sergio Aguero. Robin van Persie. Luis Suarez.

When it comes to the crunch and the chaff is separated from the wheat at the World Cup, the real England team is exposed for all to see.

Their pinnacle is the quarterfinal stage but, since 1966, they always fancied themselves among the favourites to win Fifa's Holy Grail. Lol.

But I'm not laughing out loud because England mirrors South Africa. They have the best league in the world. We have the best in Africa.

Their EPL is financially strong. So is our PSL. Their Three Lions are paper tigers. Likewise our Bafana Bafana (at least England qualifies).

We are looking for a national team coach and, sooner than later, England will be searching for a replacement for Hallucination.

So many stark similarities between the coloniser and the colonised. I digress. Next time he sings his national anthem, Hallucination is welcome to remix it into God save the King, King Luis. Love him. Loathe him - Luis Suarez is one of the best players in the history of the game. If Hallucination doubts it, Gerrard and all the Liverpool players in his squad can tell him that for free.

twitter: @bbkunplugged99