Social Advice

Philip Galanes dishes out life advice on everything from financial scams to gran’s comfy chair.

Block that scam

Q: My godfather is nearing 80. He retired comfortably but is not rich. Over dinner‚ he mentioned some projects that made my husband and me fear that he is being taken advantage of: He sent $15‚000 to a foreign country to help an aid group build a farm; he sold his home to an overseas buyer‚ but first he redecorated it to suit the purchaser’s taste. He is independent and seems sharp‚ but these stories set off alarm bells. Should we share our concerns? - Anonymous‚ Detroit

A: Speak up‚ Goddaughter! But before you do‚ consider the “Case of the Conned Columnist‚” who was swindled out of several thousand dollars a few years back‚ in a not terribly sophisticated phishing scam. (That’s when thieves disguise their email addresses to look like those we trust to trick money out of us.) It was a wee bit cleverer than phony emails from the Irish Lottery - we won! - or those darling Nigerian princes‚ but not much. And I was 42 at the time. So‚ let’s not generalize about age.

Frame your remarks like this: “Online crooks are getting so ingenious. Would you like Bill to take a look at these deals? He’s a computer maven.” Brace yourself for a little defensiveness up front. No one likes to think of himself as a patsy. And offer to confer with your godfather in the future. After my swindle‚ I heard of scores of scams. The main thing they had in common? We victims were so exhilarated by the fantasy (a fruit farm for the needy‚ a cut-price lamp for the greedy) that we hit “send” before talking it out with flesh-and-blood friends first. We all need a sensible ear.

Bike Lane Bullies

Q: I live in Brooklyn‚ where most bike lanes are labeled one-way. But many cyclists ride in the wrong direction. It’s called “salmoning.” When I encounter them‚ I am terrified and furious because I am often pushed into traffic to avoid hitting oncoming bikers. Screaming “Wrong way!” meets with blank stares. Any better ideas? - Annie‚ Brooklyn

A: Salmoning‚ phishing - this column is like a trip to Sea World. I love the uptick of cycling in our city. But color me cranky when it comes to wrong-way cyclists (and red-light runners). They are dangerous to pedestrians‚ fellow pedalers and the shiny finishes of upscale automobiles. Shouted-out comments rarely work‚ though I am perplexed by the blank stares you get in return. (I would have expected more middle fingers.) Shouting is hostile‚ even when our point is well taken‚ and unlikely to persuade.

Stop your bike and wave down oncoming cyclists. Then say (very politely): “Please don’t force either of us into traffic. Follow the one-way rules.”

This may work with a (rare) breed of cyclist. But sadly‚ the real solution is for the police to give tickets to offenders. I know this didn’t go smoothly with Alec Baldwin. But once the general ridership understands that noncelebrities will be punished‚ too‚ it won’t take long for us to straighten up and ride right. Dial 311 for complaints (about wrong-way riders‚ not me - or Alec Baldwin).

Don’t Rile Granny

Q: My girlfriend and I visited her 90-year-old grandmother in the Adirondacks. My girlfriend’s mother was also visiting. The grandmother spends much of the day in a comfy chair in the living room‚ perfectly positioned for TV watching. One morning‚ she was drinking tea on the porch‚ so I sat in the comfy chair. The mother came to me and said‚ “As soon as Grandmother comes inside‚ vacate the chair.” Then my girlfriend came downstairs and told me to get out of the chair immediately. She said her grandmother would not come indoors otherwise. I disagreed. Why should I give up the chair proactively? - Jay‚ Philadelphia

A: Finally! Someone brave enough to broach the cruel politics of the comfy chair. Does Jay not have a comfort-seeking bottom? If we prick him‚ does he not bleed? Still‚ it is hard to take the measure of other people’s families from afar. Granny may fly into murderous rages if someone sits in her comfy chair. If she is related to Showtime’s “Ray Donovan‚” dead bodies may be buried beneath it. (Or the family may be kid-gloving an elderly relative.) My view: If one or more descendants of your hostess asks you to move your visiting booty from the comfy chair‚ lay aside your pressing concerns and do so.

Thrift Shop vs. Preppy

Q: My sister is starting college at the same school where I will be a junior this fall. She wears only clothes from thrift shops: tight velvet jackets‚ embroidered blouses‚ wild-colored jeans. I’ve tried telling her she is not going to fit in; it’s a preppy school. But she won’t listen. What should I do? - Amy‚ New York

A: Unfortunately (for you)‚ your sister sounds like a style disciple of Jimi Hendrix‚ who may be the chicest rocker of all time. What’s more‚ college is a time when many of us find our own tribes. Your sister may not fit into yours‚ but I’m guessing that a creative and independent young woman will fit in somewhere. Don’t sweat it. No one will judge you for your sister’s wardrobe.

© 2014 New York Times News Service

05-09-2014

Philip Galanes