Comedian Jeff Ross, the sultan of sting, is heading to Jozi

Insulting Justin Bieber in person is a common fantasy among adult humans, but Jeff Ross has lived the dream.

This year, the American comedian gave the Canadian chop star hell in a Comedy Central roast in New York (watch a clip below), aiming a fusillade of low verbal blows at the Bieber brainstem.

"Let's face it, you've become a cocky little shit," began Ross. "You are the King Joffrey of pop." Bieber, slouching in the roastee's throne, tried to snigger but ended up wincing. The audience cackled medievally.

Ross pushed on. "Selena Gomez used to bang this guy. Proving once again that Mexicans will do the disgusting jobs that Americans just won't do." Bieber tried for a poker face and failed.

At this point Ross, a rumpled 50-year-old goofball from New Jersey, deployed his Jewish comic's Holocaust gag licence.

"Even when you went to Anne Frank's house, there were people waiting for you outside. I wish they were the same people who were waiting for Anne Frank."

The audience made a peculiar chordal noise comprising groans, silences and shrieks.

"You said Anne would've been a Belieber. If she had heard your music, she would have Ubered to Auschwitz."

Bieber looked vacant.

"The best part about taking Justin Bieber from behind, is you can shave half his head and pretend he's Miley Cyrus." Bieber finally managed the snigger. "You like that?" asked Ross with a grin.

A bit later, Ross finished him off with a more elegant punch. "You're a smart man with a good heart, and I know you'll never end up like Kurt Cobain or Amy Winehouse - respected."

These ain't Wildean rapiers, but the punishment befitted the crime. And Ross, who'll be starring in the 'The Roast Gala' at the Comedy Central Festival on December 4 2015, believes we are all worthy of comic retribution for our flaws. "It's not only celebrities who should take it," he told me on the phone from New York this week. "I want to roast the police next, here in New York. I want to roast criminals. I think you should take your mission seriously, but don't take yourself seriously. I think that's a great human quality."

Ross's previous Comedy Central roast victims have included Donald Trump ("Donald Trump's ego is so big he videos himself masturbating and then masturbates to that video.") and Charlie Sheen ("The only time your children get to see you is in reruns. Charlie, don't you want to live to see their first 12 steps?")

Pamela Anderson, Flavor Flav, James Franco and David Hasselhoff have all volunteered for the torture, and handled it gracefully. "Everybody wants to be the centre of attention, even if they have a target on their heads."

Even Bieber made a swift recovery once he had time to compute what had happened to him. "I didn't feel sorry for him because he volunteered to be there. I know he had a good time - he did thank everybody and hung out afterwards. Maybe his mom took it a little hard, but he was OK. I thought it was a huge win for him.

"Only one person hasn't taken it well: Richard Branson. I'm done protecting him. I normally don't roast people who don't volunteer, but his mates hired me to roast him as a surprise at a private party. He kind of laughed a little during it - I was particularly vicious with him because his face commanded it. But after it all, he got up, gave me a hug and poured his drink on my head.

"Great hairline, terrible sport. If you can handle it and not get flustered, it really shows that you're a leader. But if you're embarrassed and flustered and resort to an aggressive act of dumping water on someone's head, it really shows the character of the person."

block_quotes_start People keep asking comedians to tone it down, when we should be asking the public to toughen up block_quotes_end

Ross has no rules about subjects he cannot use, barring a nebulous boundary of "taste". "Nothing's off limits, but I want to keep it within good taste. And in America bad taste is not yet a crime; I'm not sure whether it is in South Africa yet."

He writes his roast gags at home, with help. "The actual roast is just a party. But the real job is the preparation, and I love it. My buddies come over, we have a drink, we have a sandwich, we smoke a joint, and we write down the meanest things we can think of."

Ross says the US's freedom of expression is being corroded by a mounting addiction to outrage. "People keep asking comedians to tone it down, when we should be asking the public to toughen up. Life is hard and if we can't deal with the pain, what are we doing? Then we are succumbing to what's happening.

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"Everybody's looking to get offended at all times. The internet, as great as it is for information and freedom, has also become the think police. It's frustrating to see comics have to censor themselves or apologise. And that's a reason I'm so delighted that there are new territories for us which are not so easily offended. The Nigerian comic Basketmouth, who I spoke to the other day, told me I should go deeper and hit harder in South Africa, because they can take it. In fact they might appreciate it more."

He lauds Trevor Noah's showing on The Daily Show. "Trevor's hitting triples and I think he's going to start hitting home runs here as the election ramps up. Trevor reminds me of Jon when Jon was that age. He has a certain confidence, work ethic, sophistication. They're both very classy guys. And I think Trevor is funny enough, and I think he will be very influential."

He doesn't know who he'll be roasting in Joburg at the upcoming Comedy Central Festival. "I was hoping to roast the city and the country on my own with the audience in attendance. And then if they'll allow me, I want to bring South Africans up on stage - random volunteers - to get speed roasted.

"So if you're reading this and you're pregnant or handicapped, please come to my show and come up on stage."