Accidental Tourist: Bing-bong the map is dead

Free tourism radio will talk you through the trip with some fast facts

At risk of earning a technophobe tag, I've never used a GPS. Firstly because - why? Secondly, I really, really like maps. I absolutely love those tiny little dorps at the end of single-line roads in the middle of nowhere, the curved names over washes of mountain range, adding up all the microscopic numbers that tell you how far to the next red circle town, the squiggling rivers and all those mystery icons. In my next life, I'd quite like to be a cartographer. Anyway, I'm also addicted to the news, views and occasional blues that I get out of my old-fashioned car radio, so what for to have someone telling me where to go?

Having said that, free tourismradio.co.za sounded like a good call. Yup, definitely up for a guinea-pig run. And a hinterland weekend ahead was a great opportunity to put it to the test.

I picked up the zippy little device at the head office in Woodstock, plugged it into the lighter, tuned to 91.5 and got my first hit - an airport style "bing-bong" followed by "you are in the vicinity of the Mountain Breeze Farm Stall" - interesting, though this lesser-known highlight was hard to spot in Woodstock's street warren.

Moving on - something else to know, the German chap who designed the Springbok logo used to live in this neck of the, er woods, which back in the day was named by the local fisherfolk after their favourite watering hole.

I drove to town through the back roads, a route my new driving companion seemed not to know because it gave me music - no, not Kaapse Klopse banjos, but middle-of-the-road pop.

As I neared the candy-coloured houses of the Bo-Kaap, "bing-bong" - they were originally built from locally quarried stone and plastered with crushed shells. Table Mountain is 1086m. "Bing-bong," the V&A Waterfront has over 800 shops . phew, too much information for a workday. I switched back to news and views.

Come the weekend, in mental tourist mode, we hit the N2 for a proper test drive. The proximity of Mowbray golf course threw out an insert on SA the sporting nation - golfing greats Goosen and Els; the Comrades started in 1921 in remembrance of the soldiers of the First World War; "bing-bong" about the construction of Joe Slovo informal settlement as the townships flanked the freeway; and a kind of brandy advertorial towards the Stellenbosch wine route - and blow me down, one for Aquila Safari Lodge with a 10% discount if you're a T Radio user.

Hey, head for the N1 immediately! A slot about the gems of Free State tourism had me thinking perhaps we really had taken a wrong turn, but I guess promos pay bills and might well tempt a foreign visitor further afield. If we'd been spontaneous listeners, we may have turned left at the "bing-bong" to Monkey Town or Helderberg wine route as we approached Sir Lowry's Pass, but it wasn't part of our plan.

Over the next 24 Overberg hours, in the company of chummy double-act DJs Mark and Bron, we ingested massive amounts of South Afrikaner - about bru as a term of affection, about pinotage, Portuguese food and potjies, elephants' eating habits, Tutu and Theron, the Gansbaai sharks' fast-food alley, khoisan, koeksisters, not to mention some of Egoli's hottest spots, just in case, and all this between Cape Town and Hermanus.

Jeez, are we up to speed for a home-grown trivia quiz or what? But wait, "while our system is searching, we're going to treat you to some really great music.". - Nancy Richards is a Cape Town-based freelance journalist

Go check the website: www.tourismradio.co.za