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Sunday Times STLive By Tsamaya, 2012-03-04

The chop for Gilbert after trials prove fruitless

Soccer ball. File photo.
Image: Gallo Images/Thinkstock

TSAMAYA was wondering what happened to Haitian skyscraper striker Gilbert Bayonne, who was zig-zagging between Mzansi clubs undergoing trials.

A joke doing the rounds is that after failing with Bidvest Wits and SuperSport United, his height came in handy in his new vocation - picking fruit on a farm somewhere in Thohoyandou. We also hear he does piece jobs as a tree feller in Randburg. "He kicks like a mule," his agent, Rudi Mbele, once boasted. Well, we reckon he chops down trees like an elephant.

  • OUR friends at Kick-Off report that Bloemfontein Celtic masseur Simon Hlakane has dropped assault charges against club boss Jimmy Augousti. Augousti seems to have learnt from the best - former Celtic owner Petrus "Whitehead" Molemela, whose knobkerrie often collided with the skulls of those who chose to disagree with him back in the day.
  • EMBATTLED Bafana coach Pitso Mosimane has offered to dig into his own pocket to pay the Ulundi muti man who has bewitched his team. Sangoma S'bonelo Madela is still jumping up and down his primus stove since Safa reneged on a muti deal during the Fifa 2010 World Cup. His bones have predicted Bafana will not win a match until Safa settle their debt. They must rope him into the national executive committee as head of special projects before it's too late.
  • ZIMBABWE'S Asiagate scandal is becoming as exciting as a spy novel. ZFA CEO Jonathan Mashingaidze was kidnapped outside Harare and told he was on a hit-list of people investigating the alleged match-fixing involving Zimbabwean teams. The kidnappers asked for money to protect Mashingaidze and to provide him with the alleged hit-list - but Tsamaya's spies north of the Limpopo tell us there weren't enough wheelbarrows available to carry the ransom in Zim dollars.
  • SAFA and Sascoc's drama continued this week when Safa apologised to vertically challenged Sascoc board member Mahomed Mubarak for the bile spewed at him by sugar-cane thin Safa official Mzwandile Maforvane. Mahomed will need a crate of beer to stand on when he shakes hands with the official who should not be allowed to walk unaided in windy towns such as Port Elizabeth.
  • BENNI McCarthy dedicated his overhead goal to ailing former SA President Nelson Mandela. "I send my regards to my granddad Madiba - that was my inspiration. I promised to score for the ex-president." The sentiment reminded us of Benni and TKZee's 1998 kwaito smash hit Shibobo. "One for Madiba", shouted a slimmer Benni in one of the lines. The goal came 14 years later but at least Madiba is still alive to take pleasure in it.