Even scientists can get light-headed when it comes to love

Sex therapist Dr Tlaleng Mofokeng on the science of attraction

I met one of my best friends on the first day of medical school. We shared piping-hot slap chips and peri-peri chicken during the break to seal the deal. More than a decade later, we remain very close. We both remember our meeting and that feeling of "this is the one". This is true of all my lasting relationships.

In 2010, I was single, immersed in World Cup fever and enjoying carefree late nights out with friends. I was not looking for a partner. My friends and I were at our favourite chill spot, bickering about something or other, when I was suddenly jolted, pulled like a magnet to a faceless voice I was hearing at a distance behind me.

I said to my friends: "Please tell me that person is hot, because I think that is my husband." They chuckled and rolled their eyes and dared me to turn around.

I have been married to the man with the voice for four years.

I have yet to find the words to explain what that feeling was. A "heart flutter" comes close but does not quite capture the racing heartbeat, breaking out in a light sweat, tingling in the fingers and dryness of the mouth. I had to sit down because I really did feel light-headed from my body's release of adrenaline.

The science of attraction has long fascinated researchers. It is true that attraction is not only physical. It can be a person's charm or the way they play with their Bantu knot while paging through a magazine. Most of us, at some point in our lives, have been caught off-guard by the intensity of chemistry.

This "chemistry" is often referred to early in relationships and is for many a requirement for sexual relations. It has been shown that when people are looking for long-term intimacy, emotional connections tend to be more important than physical attractiveness.

It has been shown that when people are looking for long-term intimacy, emotional connections tend to be more important than physical attractiveness

Scientists have found many examples of pheromonal (scent) communication in animals. Although the human pheromone has not been properly defined, there is still that tingling feeling you get when you catch a trace of your loved/desired one's aroma.

In many studies of early-stage romantic love, researchers have found that the ventral tegmental area (VTA), a part of the brain responsible for motivation and decision-making, acts as a dopamine-rich reward system. The posterior hippocampus, also an area in the brain, is associated with feelings of intense passion and sexual desire.

Long-term romantic love, however, has been shown to be associated with goal-oriented behaviour in which the cognitive and motor areas of the brain are activated. This means we enact certain things in order to maintain closeness to the person.

I believe now more than ever that love is a verb. Acts of love become more and more important in the long term. Happy love relationships have sustained high levels of dopamine-rich activity which are maintained by rewards.

Whether or not you believe in love at first sight, don't think about it too much. Be in the moment — and remember: love is in the details.