Social media etiquette sins you've probably committed in a WhatsApp group

Almost everyone has a go-to YouTube clip they click on when having a crappy day. One that always manages to give them a deep belly laugh and lift their spirit.

For many years that clip for me was of a chair at the Hlaudiville studios buckling under our pre-Nenegate finance minister when he was still chairman of the National Assembly's finance portfolio committee. I would snigger until a mengsel of tears and snot dripped onto my bib.

But do yourself a favour. If you have never seen it, watch it below. You'll thank me for the great laugh. Spoiler alert: it's a clip of an enraged WhatsApp group administrator berating some hapless group member who had dared commit the mortal sin of leaving the group.

My favourite part is when he yells into his phone, "You cannot start this rebellion by just leaving ... do you know how many people wanna leave the group? I'm the administrator and I wanna leave the group!" in a wild shriek! It's what I like to call "a beautiful rant".

WATCH: Why you should never, ever leave a WhatsApp group

Like many people, I am a member of many WhatsApp groups, mostly against my will. It often feels like being clubbed over the head and dragged into a cave where you're forced to observe conversations between guests of Weskoppies Psychiatric Hospital. But because of social pressure, and to avoid "Since he became a famous author he's too good for us", you stay on, resisting the urge to type, "Are you people suffering from some form of brain damage?"

In one of these groups I once observed an exchange that went along these lines: Susan asked if anyone was going to Mall of Africa for the Black Friday sales. Thembi said she was already there. Susan asked Thembi to get her a Russell Hobbs thingamafoodprocesser. Thembi responded "OK". Susan responded "I'll refund you when I get there" to which Thembi responded "OK. See you later". Susan said OK.

This is when Naledi responded, "Guys, this is clearly between the two of you. Do you mind taking it offline?" to which Susan responded, "Why don't you just ignore it?" Naledi protested to the effect that it was inconsiderate.

At this point, a comedian in the form of John texted, "You're guilty of the same thing. Why not take it offline with them?" It was at this point that we all got a notification that read , "Sam has left the group".

I was giggling like an orang-utan on tik. It took all my strength to muster sufficient maturity to not send Sam the YouT ube link .

I'm not proud to admit that I know these people. But I'm glad I do. Some WhatsApp groups are a great source of unintended humour. It's great entertainment when you're buffing the benches at the Ekurhuleni municipal offices, waiting for "service".

But what are the rules of all these social media platforms? Are there different rules for Instagram and Twitter? Facebook and WhatsApp? I'm a fossil from the e-mail era, and I understood those rules pretty well. You know, things like avoiding the "Reply to all" button unless you're chatting to a bunch of friends.

block_quotes_start I'm a fossil from the e-mail era, and I understood those rules pretty well. You know, things like avoiding the "Reply to all" button unless you're chatting to a bunch of friends block_quotes_end

During my stint in the corporate world, one of my pet peeves was the desperate-for-a-promotion type hellbent on projecting an image of perpetual hard work and/or responsibility. You know the type, the one that, when you send out a progress report to a group of stakeholders, will respond to everyone with a "Well done, Ndumiso".

For starters, I find few things more condescending than being told "Well done". It smacks of that woman from the early '80s SAUK television who had a dog show. When she was not yelling "Walkies!" she was patting a puppy she'd just potty trained and saying "Well done". To paraphrase Cedric the Entertainer, I'm a grown-ass man, dawg. Don't be well-doneing me.

But, in the words of folks who had it good before 1994, let's forget about the past. These media exist precisely for chatting to more than one person at a time.

In the Instagram era, going the private-chat route is likely to taint you with the "creepy" tag. Especially when it's someone you don't know. In my time on social media, I'd have to say that about 40% of private inbox messages belong in the, "You're creeping me out, dude" category.

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Other obvious things to avoid include sommer bringing a random stranger into a closed group. I have been guilty of this but after I explained to the fellows that "the random" works for Brandhouse and was almost guaranteed to bring a bottle or two of single-malt scotch to our savage gatherings, they opened their arms to him wider than Madiba when he resumed his bromance with Fidel in 1990.

Another thing to avoid is the inclusion of folks who read everyone's comments but never say anything.

That's like my childhood friend Mfanafuthi, who was always present when we raided Gogo Ngubane's orchard but never took a single peach himself. A lurker. The proper thing to do is for the person who included him to remove him or ask the administrator to do so.

And then there's the picture and meme addict. You're busy for two hours and when you open your phone, you have 87 unread messages, 54 of which are pictures from the same person. There's a reason it's called a data bundle - it costs a bundle.

But my favourite, favourite pet peeve is the text stutterer. I have one friend in this category. Let's call him Blazza. You could leave Joburg with the notification "Blazza is typing". When you get to Harrismith, "Blazza is typing".

Only as you drive past the Mariannhill Toll do you get the 2,000-word dissertation.

Follow the author of this article, Ndumiso Ngcobo, on Twitter: @NdumisoNgcobo