A Youtube video of a Grade 7 schoolboy being kicked and punched by fellow pupils at a primary school last week has prompted an outcry against bullying, after more than 100, 000 people watched it. It shows the boy being led into an ambush which involved 24 boys as attackers or bystanders on the grounds of a Johannesburg West Rand primary school. During the assault, the ringleader yelled at some not to jump in. The victim protects his head while crouched on the ground and, when he tries to escape, he is punched again.The three main perpetrators were suspended this week after a disciplinary hearing, while others got varying sentences.story_article_left1In response to the escalation of bullying the Department of Basic Education and the United Nations Children's Fund Unicef will launch a national anti-bullying campaign this year, which will promote the "buddy concept": have a buddy with you, or to talk to. In addition, a national school safety framework approved in April is being rolled out to the provinces.Whatever steps are being taken, they have to work - classroom and playground bullying is rife, and cyber-bullying is getting worse. Bullying can be physical, such as the primary school thuggery, or more insidious, such as a calculated smear campaign.When a teenager started at a private girls' school, another girl was threatened by her. The jealous girl borrowed a book from the new student and learnt to copy her handwriting. She then wrote crib notes in the imitated handwriting, took them into a test, crumpled them up and threw them under the innocent girl's desk. The pupil was accused of cheating."It took a long time to unravel the devious and false accusation. When the new girl started at the school, she was happy and full of 'bounce'. By the end, she had lost her sparkle and was a shadow of herself," said Gail Dore, author of a new book, Bully-Proof (Struik Lifestyle, R200).All children must know how to defend themselves from bullying: including cyber-bullying, plus homophobic, physical, sexual, verbal and social bullying."No child is safe," Dore said, explaining that a child can be targeted for being too clever, too slow, too pretty, too fat, too thin, too popular, for any other difference or no reason at all."The best reaction is to laugh and to be confident," she said, unless the bullying is physically threatening. To stop bullying, school staff, parents and pupils must work together.Dore estimated about half of 2.2million children in schools would be bullied .A South African Medical Research Council youth-risk behaviour survey found that 40% of children had been bullied at schools in the previous month.story_article_right2Dr Granville Whittle, the deputy director-general of basic education: care and support, said: "Violence in our schools is slightly above the average."About 20% [one in five] of South African learners experience some form of violence and about 12% have been threatened with violence at school."By definition, bullying is intentional: when a person or group continually picks on one person or group with less power. This form of harassment can do indelible harm and has even resulted in suicides.Bullying can be subtle and technology has given predators an anonymous tool to wreak havoc, and a wider audience.Child-protection expert Luke Lamprecht said: "Cyber-bullying is massive, certainly in the higher income brackets. The normal human barriers to harm, when you see someone's facial reaction or body language, are not there."What is most important is that children know how to respond and who to go to," he said.Sexual bullying, such as distributing compromising images or videos, is getting worse - it is also classified as child pornography in the law.However, bullying can be confused with violence, despite the differences."Bullying is a 'catch-all' for when children do bad things to one another."This covers normal peer behaviour all the way to assault, like smashing in a child's teeth," Lamprecht said. "If assault is not recognised for what it is, those children do not get access to services to learn to manage their behaviour."Lamprecht runs an anti-bullying programme as part of life-skills training at the ReEVOLution club for inner-city children at the Children's Memorial Institute in Braamfontein. He also coaches boxing.On a recent visit, five cheerful boxing-club members talked about bullying.A nine-year-old boy had a wound on his cheek. The eyes of a 10-year-old, which lit up when he smiled, were ringed with fading bruises. Their injuries are not from the ring and are more often from adult bullying.story_article_left3A small boy, who had won a boxing trophy last month, said two older boys used to steal money from him before he learnt to box. Others chimed in with stories of how they had been picked on.The club's Fight with Insight programme was started as a diversion programme for young offenders, but welcomes children who walk in off the street.About 60 boys train there regularly. "The need to belong is real and these boys are not joining gangs," Lamprecht said.In a ring with 10 punching bags they become physically and mentally strong and are learning empathy. The boxing and life-skills sessions train them to be resilient - but also not to bully others."Friends can be the biggest bullies. We work on developing empathy and compassion so that the boys care about how their behaviour affects others," said Lamprecht.Most children develop empathy from their loved ones - empathy is learnt by example - but some do not have these bonds.Lamprecht holds anti-bullying workshops at wealthy and inner-city schools and said most students put up their hands when he asked who had been bullied.A few raised their hands when he asked them who had been a bully. He also asked: "What would it take to end bullying in your grade?" The answer, he said, was simple: "A decision by each person in that grade not to [be a] bully."sub_head_start Don't fight your child's battles sub_head_endAs difficult as this may be, it's important to recognise that being bullied is your child's problem, not yours.Being bullied is a very disempowering experience. If parents rush in, the child is likely to feel even more disempowered.Your role is to be supportive and to help your child find a workable solution.Take immediate action only if your child is being physically or sexually assaulted, weapons are involved or if threats of bodily harm have been made. In this case, you need to alert the school authorities at once and take action to protect your child.Discovering that your child is being bullied can be upsetting but it will be more helpful to your child if you stay calm and take the following steps:DO:• Familiarise yourself with the facts about bullying and the many forms it takes. This will help you distinguish between bullying behaviour and normal peer conflict;story_article_right4• Ask your child what he or she has already done to stop the bullying and discuss ways of deflecting a bully's unwanted attention;• Help your child keep a record of where, when, how and who was involved in the incidents of bullying;• If the bullying continues, arrange a meeting with the school. Encourage your child to talk about it and hand over the record. Allow time for the school to investigate but arrange a date for a progress report;• Keep talking until the bullying stops; and• Encourage your child to have a buddy.DON'T:• Ignore or minimise your child's being bullied. The long-term effects can be devastating;• Confront the bully yourself. There could be legal implications; and• Tell your child to fight back. This is not a viable solution.- Gail Dore, author of 'Bully-Proof'..