Mampara of the Year: Zuma, defending champ of mamparadom, does it again

In the weeks leading up to the vote for Mampara of the Year, the Sunday Times had hoped against hope the results of this year's poll would have a different outcome.

It is no easy matter naming one's president as a mampara of the week, not to mention conferring the status on him for a year.

It becomes even worse when the award is given to him several years in a row.

It is not like South Africa has run out of prominent people who do and say silly things. There are plenty of them: just read the pages of any local newspaper and you will see a number of possible candidates.

But clearly, none comes anywhere near our Mampara and, judging by our online poll, those who make it as runners-up often happen to have a relationship of some sort with our Mampara ...

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A ticket in Dudu's Xmas sock

Like Dudu Myeni ... the maverick SAA chairwoman who was so offended by a minister telling her that she could not buy new planes with money the airline did not have that she got No1 to show the said minister, Nhlanhla Nene, the door.

As the year comes to an end, we can only hope that this candidate's role in getting Nene ousted was a step too far and that the new finance minister, Pravin Gordhan, will give her a free one-way air ticket out of SAA. Preferably, this would be a one-way ticket to Nkandla where, as chairwoman of No1's foundation, she can oversee the million-rand cattle kraal and chicken run that keep the president's livestock sleeping and living in comfort.

Spreading little Goodwill

Also associated with the Nkandla Crooner is Zulu King Goodwill Zwelithini.

Even in a republic like ours, the status of a monarch is supposed to be respected. After all, a king is there to play a unifying role for the nation.

But King Zwelithini has failed in this role and, through his silly comments, at times acted as a force of destruction.

His foolish remarks about the need to send African foreigners back to their countries of origin helped fuel xenophobic violence earlier this year. When the Human Rights Commission summonsed him to explain his utterances, he chose not to fully co-operate.

To add insult to injury, this candidate - who receives millions of rands from the taxpayer for his and his family's upkeep - used a ceremony to brag to his subjects about how well the apartheid government had looked after him.

So not a naughty girl, then?

Although not associated with No1, the next candidate sure has something in common with the Zulu king when it comes to having fond memories of our dark and evil past.

Dianne Kohler Barnard, who learnt this week that she will keep her seat as a DA MP after initially being kicked out of the party, makes it to the list for sharing a Facebook post that favourably compared apartheid president PW Botha to the current democratic government.

The former SABC staffer insulted millions of South Africans who suffered under apartheid, embarrassing her party in the process.

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As long as Baba loves you!

One of her former SABC colleagues, who is still very much at the broadcaster, also makes it onto the shortlist.

Hlaudi Motsoeneng, he of "I am an adacemic (sic) intellectual" fame, had the second highest number of votes for his many blunders during the past year.

The public protector and the courts have all found him unsuitable to run the SABC given his lack of formal post-matric education. Yet this deputy Mampara of the Year keeps finding new tricks he can use to stay on at the public broadcaster.

To understand his power, one has to be mindful of what miscommunications minister Faith Muthambi once told an SABC board member of him: "But Baba loves him."

Ho ho ho, what a fine mess

By "Baba", Muthambi meant the No1 Mampara himself. He has been called so many things this year - the Wrecking Ball; the Teflon President; Ultimate Survivor.

But none of his nicknames can fully describe the damage he has done to society at large.

Just when you think we have reached the very bottom and the Zuma presidency can sink no further, No1 takes us to a new low.

At the start of December, just as everybody thought the political year was over, this Mampara thought he would shake things up a bit by firing the finance minister.

As the rand tumbled and the markets went into turmoil, he probably sat in his office and giggled, giggled, giggled.

Write to hogarth@sundaytimes.co.za