The story behind the spiked drink that led to Marah Louw's 'Idols' outburst

As the daughter of a priest from Mzimhlophe township, Marah Louw found her voice as a gifted child star and went on to become a legendary entertainer. In this extract from her autobiography, the singer reveals how being a judge on 'Idols' was both a blessing and a curse...

There were times when I asked myself why certain situations arise. In 2003, I got a phone call from M-Net requesting that I audition for a position as one of the judges of Idols. I didn't realise that you needed to audition for that.

I went on the arranged date. When I arrived I found that many other well-known artists had come for the same audition. When it was my turn they sat me in a room to watch screenings of past shows and filmed my reactions and comments. It was quite easy for me because I had judged the Shell Road to Fame competitions in the 1980s.

I just couldn't stop laughing at the hilarious contestants. Although I was confident with my audition, I was still sceptical as to whether they would choose me among all those other artists and I immediately pushed the audition to the back of my mind. I had auditioned for a role in the musical Fame earlier that week, and I was more confident in that than Idols. I did not expect to be offered both roles.

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I was driving when the line producer of M-Net Idols called and asked if I was still interested in being a judge for the show. I said I was and he said I'd got the job. I was so excited I couldn't wait to get home and tell my husband.

While I was preparing dinner, Hazel Feldman, the producer of Fame, called with the good news that I'd got the part of Miss Sherman, the English teacher. I couldn't contain my delight and screamed with joy. In one day I'd received offers from two great shows. When Bill got home we celebrated the good news.

That following year was the busiest of my life. I was shooting Muvhango five days a week in addition to Fame and Idols. I also had other corporate engagements. It was a good financial year and all those productions brought me great publicity. I was on TV every day of the week, on different channels. It was hectic but worth it. Whenever things turn out in my favour I realise the power of prayer.

Show business as we know it is unpredictable. For a few years I was the talk of the town. It was getting hard to even go shopping without being mobbed by fans. I actually don't mind that kind of harassment because it proves that people love what you're doing. The minute people stop noticing me I will know that it's over, so I enjoyed the attention.

The Idols shows were the most challenging of all the projects I have ever done. During the six seasons that I was judging, I was embroiled in controversy. I also received a lot of racial comments in the newspapers. I have encountered racism in every sphere of my life. I was once told to go back to the mud house where I belonged. But I persevered.

From the first season I was concerned about the final results of the competition. Although I never voiced my concerns, one of the things that always surprised me, time and again, was the lack of good black contestants.

Contestants have to go through a preliminary judging phase in order to qualify to perform for the main judges, and this initial phase was a point of contention for me.

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The prelim judges were not representative of our country's demographics and I got the impression that talented black singers were eliminated to make way for other racial groups, so that there'd be more white and coloured contestants in the final stages. The black contestants who made it through seemed mediocre in comparison to their counterparts and as a result the winners were either white or coloured.

I also strongly believed that black contestants were less likely to win because Idols was screened on a paid channel that had a mostly white viewership and voting was conducted via phone, text or online. Thus, the votes were subject to the biases of those with the resources to participate in the show. South Africa was still a young democracy back then, with more people clinging to old racial classifications than there are now. Even if a black contestant was a better singer and performer than their counterparts, some white viewers wouldn't vote for them.

Being the only black judge on the panel also made me a target for unfair criticism. Every time I commented on a contestant I was called a racist. Sometimes I would meet black people who disapproved of me making good comments about a white contestant. No matter what I did, I'd face a battle. Each year presented an even worse challenge than the previous one.

I have never judged any contestant according to their race. I always judged them based on their skills as a singer.

Despite the controversy, there were some great funny moments. My favourite times were at the beginning stages when there would be some strange characters, such as the contestants who couldn't sing but believed that they could.

Some were comical and I'd have a great laugh, but I'd also cry when someone touched me with their voice. It could be thoroughly enjoyable.

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Everything changed when the competition got to the elimination stages. My saddest moments were when we had to go to those little rooms where the contestants were waiting in anticipation to find out if they'd made it to the next round, desperately hoping that they were not going home.

There would be tears of both joy and disappointment. For whatever reason, the producers always chose me to deliver the bad news, and most of the contestants going home would be black. That bugged me and made me think that there was a conspiracy to portray me negatively.

I had a few nasty experiences, one of the worst being a death threat from a contestant's family member. This unhappy person sent me an e-mail in which she accused me of favouritism, and again this accusation was based on race.

I didn't take this threat lightly. I had a friend who was an IT specialist trace the hateful e-mail. A day later, we had an address. The sender had made the mistake of using a computer in her office. I took this information to the police. They went to her workplace with the e-mail and confronted her at her desk. Apparently she tried to run but the police grabbed her and she was arrested. She spent the night in a cell.

I went to court the next morning. After the case was heard by the magistrate, and before sentencing, I pleaded with the court to be lenient because I'd heard that she had a one-year-old baby and I could not imagine that baby growing up without a mother. I also felt sad for her ignorance. She was sentenced to do a Nicro programme, which included community service for a year. She was also asked to write me an apology, which I never received. I did, however, get a report from the court that she had completed her sentence; I hope she learnt her lesson.

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Then, the scandal. One night I bumped my toe on the corner of my chest of drawers. I went to Mediclinic and X-rays confirmed that I'd broken my toe. I was given medication and a special shoe to wear. At the time I was rehearsing for the Skouspel concert at Sun City. Because of my hectic schedule, I had to drive to Sun City for rehearsals and drive back for Idols on the same day - a four-hour round trip each time. After arriving home that afternoon I took a quick shower, got ready and took the prescribed painkillers and Synap Forte anti-inflammatory pills - both strong medications. I was exhausted from driving so when I got to the Idols venue I drank some Red Bull.

I didn't know it had been spiked with vodka. During Idols I could feel myself becoming woozy and irritated. I totally lost control and the last thing I remember was looking at the contestants and feeling agitated. Unfortunately I used bad language in dismissing one contestant. The incident was the lowest point in my life. The next day I went on radio and apologised profusely to the public. I also apologised to my church. I was intensely embarrassed and consumed with regret. My behaviour was decidedly out of character and it cost me my job as an Idols judge. I will always regret that fateful night and the use of bad language.

Later, one of the contestants called and told me that my drink seemed to have been spiked deliberately. I got the same story from someone who worked on the production - they'd been sent to buy the vodka. I listened to all these stories but decided to keep quiet and not confront those involved. I prayed on it and left it in the hands of the Almighty God.

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The person whom I was told had spiked my drink was later embroiled in a controversy. A journalist friend of mine who was around during Idols that year sent me a text that read, "Justice served!" Before I could respond, another came through: "Including spiking your drink". This confirmed what I'd heard about the shenanigans back then. All I can say is, I serve a living God of justice.

However, I don't regret expressing my concerns regarding the final results of each Idols competition. It continued for years without any of the black contestants winning. As a black judge, I began to believe what some people had been saying all along: that I was window-dressing to make the show politically correct. I am glad that, after I left, my wish came true and black contestants are now recognised as being as talented as their counterparts. What I find amusing and humbling is when I meet people of all races who tell me how much they miss my presence on the show.

One day we will finally become one nation of South Africans.