Back Seat Riders

When it comes to cars, most of us spend our lives debating what we'd drive if our bank accounts were primed with an exponential amount of moola. From rare McLaren F1s to classic Ferraris, everyone has a map in mind of what metal would adorn the floor of their fantasy garage.

Now while this is well and good, I recently found myself thinking about all the dream machines I wouldn't drive if I ever became a man of means.

I'm not referring to the thousands of common little hatchbacks or gratuitous German muscle cars that litter our roads, but rather the more stately, cultured steeds that should only ever be enjoyed with a chauffer in the front and a bottle of chilled Moët & Chandon Grand Vintage in the back.

I'm talking about the world of luxury limousines; those moving monuments to the good life that, crafted by hand and usually the same size as a small yacht, strangely never feature in our petrolhead pipe dreams.

So, pretending I've just drummed my way to stardom in Dave Grohl's next super group, I set off to assemble a pack of the most excessive ego extensions I could wave my chequebook at.

Mercedes-Benz 600 Grosser

Tipping the scales at almost three tons and measuring over 5m from nose to tail, the monstrous Mercedes-Benz 600 should strike terror into even the most experienced driver's heart. But that's certainly not your problem because when ensconced in the back with a brood of groupies, this '60s eccentric offers up one of the smoothest rides you'll ever experience.

Famed for transporting interesting personalities such as John Lennon, Idi Amin and Coco Chanel, the secret to the Grosser's cushiness lies in its advanced air suspension system which basically turns the 600 into the equivalent of a Las Vegas waterbed. This, and the fact that everything from the doors to the seats are operated hydraulically, means the model was the world's most expensive car when it debuted back in 1963. Still much sought after today, its vintage-cool interior packs a cocktail cabinet, draft-cheating windows and folding walnut tray tables just big enough to administer your mood-altering substance of choice. Definitely the car for retro aficionados.

Bentley Mulsanne

There's something deliciously arrogant about owning a Bentley. Founded in post-war Britain, where eccentricity, old money and hunting trips to India were still the order of the day, this 91-year-old marque is perhaps the ultimate physical embodiment of the excesses of wealth. Seriously, pitching up to a social event in a car adorned with the famous "Winged" B is like blowing the smoke from your Montecristo Robusto cigar into the face of your host and then stubbing it out on a plate of passing canapés. And I rather like that.

Today the Bentley moniker continues to flourish and the model to be chauffeured in is the flash new Mulsanne. Replacing the aged Arnage and named after the main straight on the Le Mans racing track, not only does this looker do environmentalists' heads in with its hulking great V8 engine but it'll also warp you from home to hotspot with all the verve of a supercar. Even more impressive, however, is the level of customisation the Mulsanne offers. In fact, with so many different variations of paint, wheels, interior trim features, wood veneers and hides, Bentley could continue production for 100000 years without building two identical cars.

And if that's not good enough, you can always send your Mulsanne to Bentley's Mulliner division; a coachbuilder that will customise your ride to whatever spec you see fit. You dream it and they'll do it. For a price, of course.

Rolls-Royce Ghost

I've never been a fan of Rollers but the new Ghost - named in honour of the epic Silver Ghost that debuted in 1906 - is a machine I'd happily spend a lot of time travelling around in. Assembled by pedantic Brits in Goodwood, UK, the Ghost sports a cabin that can easily rival some of the world's poshest hotels. Its carpets, for example, are of the deep-pile variety while the hides used to upholster those armchair-like seats have - to avoid unsightly imperfections - been sourced from bulls raised in pastures free of barbed wire.

But if you think that's outrageous, the ultimate jewel in the Ghost's crown has to be its bespoke 600-Watt sound system. Delivering sonic heaven through a 10-channel amplifier and 16 loudspeakers, it blasts out a musical experience rivaled only by front row tickets to a Rolling Stones concert. Topped off with an illuminated fridge designed to keep your bubbly as cool as your public image, this is one car you'll never want to step out of. Alan Sheppard, a Rolls-Royce interior designer, says the Ghost "is an escape from the outside world". We couldn't agree less.

Geely GE Concept

What's this, an imposter in our midst? Yes, what you see here may look like an über-expensive Rolls-Royce Phantom but in reality it's nothing more than a humble Geely. The great thing is that after a few drinks at some lavish after party or charity dinner, few people will actually be able to tell the difference.

Inverted snobbery at its very finest, the Geely's modest projected price tag also means you could happily crash it into your cheating lover's swimming pool without losing much sleep. Bizarrely enough, and at odds with its lengthy 5.4m body, the rear passenger compartment of the GE only houses a single throne-like seat. According to Geely marketers, this is supposed to make you feel like a king. Limiting as it may be, it does afford the cabin a significant amount of kneeling room. Depending on who you roll with, this could come in handy.

1961 Lincoln Continental

Motown's equivalent of the Rolls-Royce, Ford's Lincoln Continental will be forever linked to the golden age of celebrity. Owned by the likes of Frank Sinatra, Louie Prima and Nelson Rockefeller, this handmade status symbol represented the epitome of understated style, thanks to its subtle chrome work and smoothly flowing sheet metal.

By today's high standards its interior comforts are fairly rudimentary, but the Continental's exquisite engineering and award-winning design language ooze a character modern limousines can't top. Scratch the surface and you'll also find that this executive has a deep association with the dark side. It was in the back seat of this very automobile that JFK, and indeed the American Dream, died on that infamous Friday back in Texas in 1963.