In love or in cash? Record numbers of young, unmarried couples are moving in together

Record numbers of young, unmarried couples are moving in together. They’re doing it for love — and money.

More than 11% of Americans aged 18 to 24 lived with a romantic partner who’s not a spouse last year, the highest share ever, according to Census Bureau data. That’s about 3.2 million people, roughly 650,000 more than before the pandemic. 

The need to save money served as a tipping point for many young couples who turned to cohabiting sooner than they might have otherwise, with inflation driving up the cost of almost everything from groceries to gas, and rent prices hovering near record highs. 

A recent Realtor.com survey found that money was a main factor behind the decision to move in together for 80% of Gen Z couples. About one in four of the total respondents said living with a partner allowed them to save more than $1,000 (R18,433) a month. 

Kerry Eller, a graduate student at Duke University, moved in with her boyfriend after he relocated from Boston to North Carolina last summer when they were both 22. Together, they pay $1,200 (R22,199) rent in a house they share with three other roommates.

“The cost of rent is just sky high in Durham compared to at least grad-student salaries,” said Eller, whose partner works in finance. “Financially, it would suck to be in two different places, but also I feel like it wouldn’t really have made sense for him to move here and be living in a separate apartment.”

To be sure, the share of unmarried Americans living with a partner has been on the rise for the past few decades as some taboos are dismantled and relationship arrangements become more fluid. That, coupled with the constraints of Covid-19 lockdowns, have made more people eager to dive into the next phase of their lives.

“When there’s a stressful event, especially one like a pandemic that also requires social isolation, we see people making more moves in relationships,” said Galena Rhoades, a psychologist at the University of Denver. “The pandemic in some ways made it easier to move in together and harder to break up.”

SHARING THE BURDEN

While the pandemic may have emboldened young couples to take their relationship to the next level, financial stress has proven to be a main driver behind the decision to move in together. 

“Young people make up a higher share of cohabitators because they’re less likely to be financially secure,” said Fenaba Addo, a researcher at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. “Splitting bills is financially attractive.”

That was the case for Xera Quattromani, whose landlord hiked his monthly rent by $100 while his partner’s roommates left him with a $3,300 (R60,828) apartment he couldn’t afford when they  moved out. While the couple, 30 and 27, had been discussing living together in a more affordable Boston suburb, cohabiting became a financial lifeline. Even though he’s saved $2,000 (R36,865) on rent alone since moving in with his partner in August, Quattromani said they’re still “struggling to afford living here with everything getting more expensive.”

“You have couples living with other couples and people living with six people,” said Quattromani, who owns a dog-walking business. “At this rate, nobody can afford to live alone.”

TOO MUCH TOO SOON

Splitting living costs makes sense for many young couples. But some who rushed into cohabitation are realising that their relationship does not. Realtor.com found that 42% of respondents who moved in with a romantic partner ultimately regretted the decision.

That includes New York City-based artist Max Kulchinsky, who signed a lease with his girlfriend for a $2,200-a-month (R40,552) Brooklyn apartment in January 2021 after just a year of dating.

“It’s really expensive living in New York. Even though I had a decent job it didn’t make sense financially to live alone and neither of us really wanted roommates,” said Kulchinsky, who was 23 at the time. “After we made it through the pandemic, we thought we could make it through anything.” 

DEAL BREAKER

But living together as New York’s vibrant city life began to stir from its pandemic slumber exposed deal-breaking differences. The couple broke up in May 2022 — just months after renewing their lease for another year. Kulchinsky’s ex-girlfriend, who could not afford the rent on her own, moved out, while he stretched his finances to cover rent, utilities and more on his own.

In addition to absorbing the full costs of the apartment, the artist estimates he spent at least $3,000 (R55,298) to buy out his girlfriend’s half of the security deposit as well as other things they paid for together, including a new bed. He had to dip into his savings to cover the unexpected costs.

“This experience definitely taught me to not jump into moving in with someone,” said Kulchinsky. “I really don’t see myself moving in with a partner unless I felt like that was the person I’m going to spend my life with.” 

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