Travel’s a drag: Aviation goddess Cathy Specific is scandalous on the skies

Her 'worsts' read like a Woolies shopping list, but SA's most famous trolley dolly still has some scandalously fab tales to tell 

The past two years with all the travel restrictions were worse than a direct flight from Joburg to Atlanta in economy class. Hell! For someone who is used to packing her suitcases at least twice a week, it was like trying to quit caffeine. First I got the headaches, then the sniffs, then the rash, then the shakes ... I have subsequently come to the conclusion that the rash was caused by something completely different. I did explore parts of our beautiful country that I have never seen before, but as for going through any passport control or metal detector, nothing, nada, nichts, niks!

When I think of my childhood holidays, I remember domestic flights as a six-year-old, boarding a huge Boeing 747, sitting on the upper deck with my parents and being fascinated by all the buttons on the overhead panel, the tray table that came out of the armrest and the two flight attendants who looked exactly like Barbie and Ken.

My first trip abroad was as a fully-fledged flight attendant. I don’t remember much about Frankfurt, except for the delicious pastries and the boat trip along the Rhine, but the first officer was a dish. We had a little fling on our return to SA but broke up because of religious reasons: he saw himself as God, I didn’t.

It's so hard to pick a favourite international city but I can single out New York and London. I know my way around both and have wonderful friends there who treat me like gold when I jet in, though my layovers are never long enough. I’m a musical-theatre girl at heart, so nothing beats Broadway or the West End ... lights, more lights and even more lights.

My “worsts” about travelling read like a Woolworths shopping list: fatigue, jet lag, long queues, delays, aborted take-offs, missed approaches, bird strikes, sniffer dogs, lost baggage, rate of exchange, turbulence and weather to mention a few. Travelling is not for the faint of heart. By the time you get back you need another holiday.  

My worst travel experience was serving my ex-fiancé and his new wife in business class — the woman he had the affair with. To make matters worse, they had been upgraded (you can spot them a mile off: they eat everything on the plate, including the garnish). But as the expression goes, never mess with the hand that feeds you. Those eye drops came in very handy.

My strangest travel experience was the one that didn’t happen. I had this wonderful two-week getaway planned with a friend, who had specially flown to London from SA. We were heading to the Canary Islands for 14 days of bliss. Checking in at Luton Airport, we were denied boarding because we had no Schengen visa. Not my fault. I specifically checked with the agent whether we needed one, reiterating the fact that we only had that green little book that can literally get you into nowhere. Not even my Oscar-worthy “Charlize Theron” moment could save the day. I still haven’t been to the Canary Islands. 

My best travel advice? Make sure you are well prepared when it comes to documentation — I’ve seen divorces happen at check-in, believe you me. Discover a new city by foot if possible and be spontaneous. Planned itineraries don’t always work out for the best. And don’t forget the Imodium.

I’m far too young to think of a bucket-list yet but there are a few things I still want to do, such as go to Greece, Disney World and a husky safari in Finland. Let’s hope I don’t kick it soon – the bucket, that is.

The best night’s sleep I have ever had on my travels was at 35,000ft above sea-level, first class on an A380 flying from Los Angeles to Hong Kong. I think the champagne could have had something to do with it.

My hometown is Pretoria ... don’t judge. If I were hosting a tourist there, I’d show them Spur, Wimpy and a rugby match at Loftus.

The one thing I always make sure I do on holiday is pack one or two courses of antibiotics. The last thing you need is to spend the precious time you have away in bed.

When travelling, I am a sucker for duty free. I usually leave this until right at the end at the airport and then unashamedly spend my last few shekels. It’s also great if you have forgotten to buy someone a gift, or need to buy some padkos for the flight home.

I have travelled extensively and can unreservedly say, without a doubt, that the world's friendliest locals are in SA. I hear that a lot from foreign passengers too, saying that our warmth, even on a cold day, is what they will remember most.  

The best lesson travel has taught me is that supermodels are not a pretty sight when they wake up in the morning and that when passengers check in their luggage, they check in their manners too.

• Catch Cathy Specific (Brendan van Rhyn) with her fellow Trolley Dollies, Holly (Christopher Dudgeon) and Molly (Rudi Jansen), in The Triplets of Bellville at the Pieter Toerien Theatre at Montecasino. On until September 11. Adults only.