SA's taxi ride survival guide

You’ve got to admit that South Africans are a breed of their own.

We have our own set of rules that we live by and we laugh even in the midst of the most serious times.

True to our helpful nature, South Africans have taken to Twitter to produce something of a survival guide for any person who may find themselves out of the comfort of an air-conditioned Uber taxi and inside a minibus taxi where strangers are forced to sit side-by-side, interact  and essentially abide by all the unwritten (until now) rules of the taxi life.

One Twitter user posted her own dos and don’ts in taxis:

1) Do not speak English in a taxi.

2) Do not sit at the back if you don’t know where you are going.

3) Eat your KFC at home.

It seems pretty basic, right? And it is.

Unless you want to be the centre of attention, ditch your mother tongue and ask how much the taxi fare is in English. For some, especially the elderly, it’s not about them being unable to reply in English but a perception that you have perhaps forgotten who you are. It’s deep! I know.

Number two of these rules is also pretty obvious! There’s nothing worse than asking the taxi driver for directions to where you are going, only for him to forget about showing you where to get off kilometres after he’s passed your destination. One thing is almost always guaranteed. He isn’t turning back for you!

Number three ... It’s obvious too, right? It is pure torture being on a ride home, after a long day where you are already picturing your buttered peanut butter sandwich and tea at home and the person sitting in the row in front of you punishes you with the smell of a freshly purchased, still-hot chicken takeaway. It’s almost guaranteed that there won’t be enough pieces to share with everyone in the taxi so rather keep your takeaway for home consumption. But with some taxi drivers, opening as much as a packet is enough to get you booted out of the taxi! Rather be safe than sorry and just don’t eat in a taxi. It's simple really — his taxi, his kingdom, his rules!

Aldrin Sampear’s layout of who goes where in a taxi also sums it up perfectly.

The seat directly behind the driver is reserved for mothers travelling with children and those carrying groceries. Also, the person who occupies the seat closest to the handle is responsible for opening and shutting the door for every passenger.

The seat directly behind this one requires you to somehow be tolerant of children as the babies in the first row could stare at you the whole trip. To appear somehow humane, you may be required to provide entertainment to the little one, 'ooing and aaing' all your way home.

People who sit in seat number three usually aren’t getting off first, they know exactly where they are going and don’t need direction from the driver.

May I add that the front seat right next to the driver is reserved for the mathematician who counts all the money, gives the right change to the right row and hands the right amount to the driver.

Do not sit here if you’re unsure of your mathematics capabilities! Just a warning, some drivers do not take kindly to getting even a cent short of their money. R1 less, without it being properly accounted for, can be the reason a taxi driver will pull over, turn the taxi about and head back towards its original departure point until the culprit (who dared to short-change him) owns up. Taxi passengers don’t take kindly either to being short-changed! So, undoubtedly, the person who occupies this seat should know their BODMAS* from their Pythagoras.

Here are some other useful taxi tips given by South Africans.

* Bracket, Of, Division, Multiplication, Addition and Subtraction (BODMAS)