Parents of murdered children find comfort in helping others

Danile Ngongoshe recalls searching for his missing daughter with remarkable detail. It is as if he is trying to unearth clues he might have overlooked - anything that could have led him to her sooner and saved her life.

Ngongoshe, 48, is one of hundreds of parents trying to come to terms with the murder of their children. More than 60 children have been murdered in Cape Town this year.

His voice quivers as he explains seeing his daughter, four-year-old Iyapha Yamile, for the last time before she left for church with her mother on the morning of April 31.

Ngongoshe was being treated for TB at the time and was advised not to leave the house. But that did not stop him from joining the search party when he received the news later that day that Iyapha was missing.

The next day he learnt that his daughter's body had been found.

"My life changed immediately," said Ngongoshe, who is still receiving counselling to deal with the loss.

"It ruined me but I am trying by all means to stand on my feet."

Some parents, including Sandy Markgraff, the mother of murdered 11-year-old Stacha, use their experience to help comfort others going through a similar experience.

Markgraff was at the Mitchells Plain Magistrate's Court on Wednesday last week when a trial date was set for Stacha's alleged murderer.

Stacha's body was found on a soccer field in Tafelsig on March 28, a day after her disappearance. Randy Tango, 31, was arrested soon afterwards. His trial will begin in the Cape Town High Court on November 3.

"I am happy but I'm also afraid because I don't know if I'm ready to hear the details of what happened to Stacha," said Markgraff.

Markgraff befriended Chrissandra Jacobs whose daughter, Rene Roman, was murdered in March. "The two of us are very close," Markgraff said.

"We're continuously chatting and comforting one another. We supported the Courtney Pieters case as well."

Three-year-old Pieters was raped and murdered in May.

Roman's family is still struggling to cope with the loss of the girl they called "Mona Lisa" because of her unique smile, said her uncle, Adiel de Villiers.

Roman's parents are still too distraught to deal with media queries.

Her body was found rolled up in a carpet about 100m from her home in Lavender Hill in March.

De Villiers said he had been hospitalised for two weeks in recent months because he had internalised a lot of his hurt as a result of supporting his sister, who had lost her daughter.

"Not too long ago, I laughed at all the funny memories of Rene but today I cannot keep it together.

"Today is one of those days that I miss her. I will never forget that a few weeks before she disappeared she asked that I buy her a bicycle. I will always remember that."