Court mummies should have limits

Julia Beffon: Down Melbourne way it's that time of year again: time for the return of the mummies.

Kim Clijsters has shown that motherhood has only improved her substantial skills; but it's not the Belgian star I'm thinking about.

It's the players who appear swathed in enough bandages to suggest intensive care rather than a tennis court.

In an individual sport like tennis, injury is far more important than in a team game. Arsenal might feel the loss of Robin van Persie, but Arsene Wenger can still put out a side each week. I can recall only one game - involving Middlesbrough in the 1996/97 season - that was cancelled because the entire team was sick.

Boro were deducted points for failing to honour the fixture and relegated at the end of the season. It might explain why Bryan Robson is now coaching Thailand rather than managing in the premier league.

And admittedly the Australian Open, played in vicious heat, is a test of endurance as well as skill.

But the procession of the haltand the lame doesn't bring out the Mother Teresa in me.

Since the immaculate conception* won the 1994 Wimbledon women's singles final by boring Martina Navratilova to tears with innumerable medical timeouts, I've had issues with players calling out the trainers for real or imagined injury.

Too often the medical timeout is used to gain a strategic advantage, by giving the "injured" player a few minutes' breather or by disrupting the opponent's rhythm.

The men's and women's tours have decided to tighten up. Now, unless a player is obviously hurt, say a sprained ankle or a blood injury, the trainers will not be called out until specific breaks in the action.

A player can forfeit points and games to get assistance earlier.

Cramping is not life-threatening, and with this weapon removed from his arsenal, I don't expect Novak Djokovic to make it to the final.

An extra step, I suggest, would be to limit the amount of bandages that can be worn before a player is ruled out. Say three metres.

Four women could become world No1 by winning the Australian Open: Dinara Safina, Svetlana Kuznetsova, Serena Williams and Caroline Wozniacki. Since neither Safina nor Wozniacki has won a grand slam, it seems fair that both need to win the whole shebang to unseat Williams. Maybe they should just each grab an end of the bandages she's covered in and pull. Who knows, underneath it all they might find Arnold Vosloo!

* Inmaculada Concepción Martinez. "Conchita" - with the emphasis on cheater - to you and me.