To be free you must take control

Leonard Carr: Have you ever been asked, or asked someone how they are and received the following reply: "Things are just great. I craft my own destiny and am doing a good job!"

Social convention has it that when you ask people how they are, they say, "fine, thank you".

Fine might just be an acronym for "feelings inside, not expressed".

Some are brave enough to hint at this by saying: "You don't really want to know."

So often one gets the impression that people wish to complain but don't believe they count enough to warrant saying what is truly on their minds.

The implicit, taken-for-granted understanding is that unless you say emphatically that things are good, they are not.

Complaining, blaming, criticising and describing problematic circumstances and challenges is to implicitly place yourself in servitude and bondage .

When you engage in such cognitive and verbal tactics, you imply that you are a passive object being acted upon by other people and life events without any volition or power to shape your own circumstances or reality.

Of course, if you believe it, then it is undoubtedly true.

Methods of self-enslavement include, but are not limited to, using personal, family or cultural history, the possible reaction of others, the power and intention of others or simply using intellectual laziness in not thinking of creative alternatives as an excuse for not acting in creative ways and changing your circumstances.

When you use the logic that you would be different if the constellation of people and events in your life were different, then you know that you have abdicated your prerogative to be the author of your own life story.

Servitude is being merely a player on the stage set by others and following a script dictated by them.

Freedom is the freedom to define and not be defined by your circumstances or other people.

It is the power to think critically and creatively about alternatives, to choose your role and to follow a preferred course of action, based on your values, objectives and ideals.

Freedom also means respecting and hosting others in ways that respect and support their right to freedom.

This means, for example, not confusing surrender with submission, or concession with capitulation.

Admitting error, showing generosity of spirit or being the bigger person and showing compassion are not signs of weakness. Sacrifice is ennobling, giving, enriching.

Ultimate freedom lies in the realisation that while you are the shaper of your own reality and are responsible for how you participate in that reality, life is not only about you.