Hogarth: 14 August 2011

Hogarth does not suffer fools lightly and is compulsive reading for the millions of South Africans who share this intolerance.

I say! Leave mater, pater and one's phizzog out of it

DID Hogarth touch a nerve in relaying the Facebook appeal by Thandi Tobias-Pokolo, the Deputy Minister of Trade and Industry, to ordinary South Africans to buy bicycles and stay off the highway so her cavalcade could get a move on?

"By the way not afraid of gossipers like u write if it makes u feel good u faceless bastard," she responded.

Gossiper? Well, yes, that is true. But faceless? Now madam, Hogarth has always considered himself quite handsome and would like the mini-minister to know that his parents were indeed married when he was born.

Touchy typing

ALSO showing his sensitive side this week was our commander-in-chief, who took time out during a 48-hour visit to Burundi to write home: "Some say things are moving slower than they should, but the important fact is that there is movement forward," he says in his internet letter before trotting out the familiar figures about houses built and light and water connections made since 1994.

Well, snails move, too, Mr President. But even a sloth doesn't measure his progress against where he was 17 years ago.

Now that really hurt

BURUNDI'S President Pierre Nkurunziza obviously didn't have enough wives to hold Zuma's attention for two whole days, but the real question is: which barb among the volleys sent to wake our somnambulant president over the past few months finally stung him into action?

Yebo, gogga

THE ANC in parliament leapt to Zuma's defence after the Desperate Alternative accused him of shifting the goal posts by sending a preliminary report on the public protector's damning account of Cat in the Hat Bheki Cele's lease deals to the Speaker of Parliament.

Spokesman Moloto Mothapo said Zuma was not "passing the bug" at all. Now we know how the president feels about the public protector's report - it makes him sick. But the bug should stop with him.

Bunch of Muammar's boys

FOLLOWING the riots in England, Iran urged restraint by the UK police, Mad Bob Mugabe told Britain to put out its own fires, Syria asked why it was not allowed to call its rioting citizens "criminals", and South Africa joined the fun with a warning against nonessential travel to the little island off the west coast of Europe. Only Libya was slow to respond, but is expected soon to offer troops to protect the teenage rebels fighting David Cameron's repressive regime.

Eric the half a beef

"AZAPO welcomes with ambivalence the decision by the Sowetan newspaper to 'discontinue' Eric Miyeni's column following the controversy it caused when Miyeni referred to Ferial Haffajee as a 'black snake in the grass'," it says here.

It seems they found his column to be an appalling defence of black corruption, but felt he should have kept the job anyway.

No wonder no one votes for them.

On message

THE communist playschool spoke for everyone except toll operator shareholders this week in its rant about new Gauteng road charges. The 40c/km hit for cars will increase the cost of driving on those roads by about half for the average user.

Hogarth was puzzled by the YCL message, however: "We are also distraught that 'middle-class taxpayers' are objecting to the exemption of taxis and buses and we are going to have to defend the exemption, so we can't be pretending at this stage that it does not exist," it said before continuing in the very next paragraph: "... buses and taxis will be affected. Majority of the working class uses public transport to get to and from work; this means they will have to pay more for their trips to their place of employment." More ambivalence?

Bipolar explorer

A READER writes to confirm that Wee Julius Malema's brain, like those of real people, comprises two hemispheres. "In the left half nothing is right, in the right half nothing is left," he laments.

Write to: hogarth@sundaytimes.co.za