Spit & Polish : 18 September 2011

How the common table fork endured religious persecution - and had the last laugh

At the moment, next to my bed, along with various serious and important books that demand to be read, I also have Discoveries and Adventures compiled by Dr Jörg Meidenbauer.

It's one of those glossy coffee-table books filled with bits and pieces of trivia and historical oddities. It's like a tin of assorted cookies: you never quite know what you will get next. But these oddities are surprising and one of them caught my eye with this heading: "The Fork: a blasphemous invention for eating?"

I had never heard the words "fork" and "blasphemy" used in the same sentence and I could not imagine how they got together. It also got me thinking about forks in general. We only have three eating utensils: a knife, a spoon and a fork, and it was pretty obvious that the late arrival to that trio was the fork.

Knives were a no-brainer. Since the dawn of time, the human population has exploited the possibilities offered by stones, flints, sea-shells and other hard substances that could acquire sharp, cutting edges. They were rapidly turned into useful tools and, inevitably, into weapons.

Spoons were similarly obvious because the shape of a spoon can be seen everywhere: in sea-shells, dried gourds, large eggshells and anything that could hold liquid. Tribal artisans could easily create spoons out of a huge variety of objects.

The fork, therefore, arrived last, and for many people it was welcomed as a refinement to eating a meal. Before that, people would eat with their hands. The more affluent ate with two knives, one to secure and lift, and the other to cut. Either way, it made for a messy and sometimes dangerous arrangement.

The fork was a late-comer, but it was cleaner, safer and more elegant to use. As countries and individuals started to gain wealth and power, the fork became a status symbol.

The original forks had just two tines, but soon they were up to four or five tines, just to show anyone who was watching, how lavishly the family were able to live. That, dear reader, brings us to the part where the blasphemy hits the fork.

The fork had featured prominently in the household of two Byzantine imperial princesses who had married into the Western aristocracy.

Their social success turned the table fork into the Princess Diana of its day. It was a smash hit in Italy in the 11th century. Silversmiths were kept busy churning out custom-made boxes, called "cadenas", because it was considered to be the last word in opulence to arrive at a banquet with your own bespoke fork and spoon, made by the best silversmith in town.

However, change was coming to Europe, as the Reformation, led by Martin Luther, John Calvin and others, rose against the Catholic Church. It was a time of conflict, cruelty and dark deeds, but also a turning point. The Renaissance, the Protestant church leaders and the first printed Bibles that could be bought and read by the masses, brought huge change.

In all that social turmoil, the poor old table fork, which had arrived late and had triumphed so richly, had fallen into confusion and disgrace.

The Church tried to convince people that the fork was the tool of the Devil, but their argument was as twisted as a corkscrew (which had not been invented - it arrived in 1681).

Church officials argued that the fork was shaped like a deformed version of the human hand. They interpreted it as a debased, mocking version of what God had created and, for that reason, they rejected the fork as an ungodly thing.

So, for a while, the fork was denounced and condemned as profane. But when you measure piety against utility, utility will always win, even though, as late as 1518, Martin Luther wrote a complaining letter saying: "God save me from the little forks".

So that is how blasphemy and the fork came together, in a time when old eras ended and new ages were ushered in.

While I was writing this column about blasphemy, I wondered if blasphemy is still a crime in South Africa. I Googled the question and discovered that President Jacob Zuma is the most recent person to have been accused publicly of blasphemy.

It happened earlier this year. You may remember that he was quoted as saying that if the voters cast their vote for him, they would go to heaven when they die.

The bottom line, however, is that in South Africa blasphemy remains a common-law crime, but it is not often invoked. The last recorded prosecution for blasphemy in South Africa was in 1934.

The UK abolished its law against blasphemy in 2008. In the United States, for example, a prosecution for blasphemy would violate the Constitution. So the question is this: Do people no longer blaspheme? Or we do not notice or even care if they do? But that is a column for another day, after the JuJu Follies have closed down.