Power corrupts

Beware women in big cars, and beware men with big heads who think they are above the law

The Big Man in Africa. Two recent incidents got me thinking about small men with a little bit of power. They have the capacity to set aside common sense, common decency and the common touch when they ascend to a position of power.

The Big Man in Africa scares me even more than the entitled, blonde, suburban wife in her Bringer of Death and Destruction (also known as a white Toyota Prado), who drives like the rest of us are insects to be crushed at the traffic circle. (And don't dare hoot to let her know her rear tyre's about to plant itself in your front passenger seat.)

Used to be that BMW drivers were thought reckless. Nowadays almost nothing terrifies me more than the suburban wife in a giant SUV. They're the new minibus taxi driver.

That includes those in the Land Rover Disco-infernos, ML (Mighty Large) and GL (Gigantically Large) Mercedes-Benz and anything else weighing two tonnes. Beware mom's taxi!

But I digress.

First up in my Big Man index this week is Chief Zwelivelile Mandla Mandela.

Last week the Sunday Times had to get an urgent court order to have the police send officers to Mvezo Great Place to ensure Mandla and his Mvezo mafia (also known as the royal council or some such) released our reporting team. He was a shoo-in for Mampara, but then, eish, Bafana happened - 'nuff said.

The reporter and lensman were in Mvezo to get Mandla's comments on a court case in which he is accused of behaving like a dictator, trying to expropriate villagers' land and force them to move grave sites. All for a new hotel and stadium development to leverage the Mandela name to the hilt and bring in some tourist geld.

A sort of Mandela-Disneyland if you will. Who knows, there may even be water slides and maybe it will be designed by the same guy who did Sun City for Sol Kerzner.

Issues of taste aside, it seems some villagers have had enough of Mandla's bullying - describing him as "a hurricane of terror and turmoil" in court papers - and have threatened bloodshed.

Young Mandela does not appear to be concerned at all, but he should be. South Africa is no feudal oligarchy - nor will it ever be.

Our second Big Man in Africa this week is none other than The One & Only Sicelo Shiceka (also known as Minister of Cooperative Governance and Traditional yadda yadda) who is currently on indefinite leave of his senses.

When the Sunday Times first broke the story about Shiceka's profligacy - spending millions on five-star hotels, flights and trips to Switzerland to see his drugs-convict girlfriend in prison - he put forward various excuses. But none so lame as those he gave to public protector Thuli Madonsela in her final report into the saga.

Shiceka's excuse for needlessly checking into the One & Only Hotel in Cape Town was that alternative accommodation needed to be found for him "due to (an) influx of mosquitoes" at his official residence in the city.

Which is what any normal person does, right? Naturally you check yourself into the nearest five-star. I mean, mosquitoes in the dark. Intolerable.

And, if you are a Min-a-sta the rules are different. There's a thing called a Handbook, which is so secret very few people have ever seen it. It lets you have all sorts of perks.

But there are limits. Things like extended and unnecessary stays at the One & Only and trips to Switzerland - with first-class flights and five-star accommodation - to visit your convict squeeza are not ayoba.

The Handbook has been revised, we hear. I've not seen it. Nor have our parliamentary correspondents. We've asked for a copy. But maybe it got lost in the post. We won't be having it - to paraphrase the brilliant Vodacom advert that parodied the African Big Man ... and that reminded me of our former Reserve Bank governor Tito "don't take my picture" Mboweni.

He, ludicrously, barred press photographers from taking pictures of him at bank news conferences - and we accepted that. (Even though it wasn't our fault he was a fat, sweaty mess.)

And that reminded me of Essop Pahad, the former Darth Vader in the Presidency, who threatened to withdraw government advertising from papers that were critical of some of the more daft positions taken by Emperor Mbeki.

The little big men all too quickly become very big problems when their behaviour is left unchecked.

But I do love the look of surprise on their faces when they get their comeuppance.