The 7 things that black people should know about white people: iLIVE

29 November 2012 - 12:57 By Wachizungu Sawa Sawa
subscribe Just R20 for the first month. Support independent journalism by subscribing to our digital news package.
Subscribe now
Image: SUPPLIED

A response to a now viral column.

Lerato Tshabalala on 23 October, 2011 on Times Live wrote an excellent article titled The 15 things that white people should know about black people.

In essence it is written tongue-in-cheek and based on how she has "...often noticed how we continuously misunderstand each other as a nation. Black people in particular, often feel as though they have to explain themselves to their fellow white brothers and sisters.

“This is normal for a 17-year-old democracy. However, I do believe the time has come for some things to be set straight and myths be busted...."

Go read it. Its excellent!

So, some white person has to, of course, retort. Let me give it a bash!

So, with apologies to Tshabalala, here goes The 7 things that black people should know about white people.

1. White people are actually not white. They are shades of pink to brown. Mostly a sort of khaki colour. So some of us prefer not to be called "white." Calling us "pink" may have us confused with similar labels referring to our sexual orientation or our support of the last remaining permutations of communism, so that's not ideal either. "Khaki" won't work either, because that's what the English soldiers were called during the Anglo-Boer War.
That will just compound our confusion. (I can still use that word in this context, right?) "Brown" won't work either, because that refers to another "classification" of people in South Africa. Although, going by research done by Max du Preez, us so-called "white" people share exactly the same origins as they do, the degree of which seems to only vary.
Thanks to our idiotic forefathers, we are now stuck with the un-African phenomenon of referring to each other according to our ethnicity and the colour of our skins. There is an African term that hails from central and east Africa during the 18th century, when explorers from Europe continuously got lost in their wanderings in Africa - and the silly idea of referring to people in accordance with the colour of their skin was not yet imported - that was used, being the Swahili term "wachizungu." It means "aimless wanderer."
It's a cool name, because it is African, has African connotations and an even cooler meaning. Use it, don't use it - up to you. But please don't call me "white." I know black people that are white people and white people that are black people. None of them are really black either, of course. It confuses the hell out of me!

2. Of course criminals scare people. All people. Some criminals even scare other criminals, but I won't mention any names here. Crime is crime. Wachizungus know this. Never mind you tell Steve Hofmeyr to sit down. All evidence suggests he prefers lying down! And not alone either, at that. Come to think of it, his appearance is a bit "pinkish" isn't it?

3. The majority of people who wanted to leave for Australia, Canada, UK or wherever else, have already done so. Rumour has it many have already come back, and some are contemplating doing so this very minute. It seems life isn't as rosy in a financial crises over there as was believed at the time when they opted to leave us. Especially now that Africa's time has come! Apparently with the euro exchange rate, it's too expensive for some to do so right now.

4. The number of white people who believe that any black person represents the entire black race and make blanketed enquiries about why black people do this or that are infinitely small within the context of our total population.
Census suggests the total number of white people are somewhere around 9% of the total population. That's in any auditor's books an insufficient sample to base any substantive conclusion on. Besides, referring to my original point of shades of pink to khaki, and Max du Preez's research, I'm not even sure that 9% is accurate. Probably far, far less.

5. Nobody takes what the majority party's youth league would like anyone to believe seriously. It's impossible to do so at this stage. I doubt they take themselves seriously. Or perhaps they do, but then it's way too serious.

6. Most of us do that silly grin when we make eye contact with a black person, because we can't say Nongqawuse properly. Apartheid's educational system didn't do us a favour either when it came to learning indigenous languages.

7. Hey! Mandoza's Nkalakatha can be very cool if you give it to Mixwell or Fresh to work on... Chill. Be more concerned about our ability to dance...

subscribe Just R20 for the first month. Support independent journalism by subscribing to our digital news package.
Subscribe now