“I don’t know if I can live this life… Why am I not the apple of my husband’s eye‚ why does he hide so much from me and why is it impossible to communicate with him?” “All I have ever wanted is to be loved fully and completely. “I want a normal life. A husband who… doesn’t lie‚ hide or cover up. "I wished I laughed as much as I cried.“I’m jealous when I see other people living the life I so desperately long for.”School teacher Jayde Inggs Panayiotou poured out her heart in a note written on September 21 2014‚ agonising over his lack of affection‚ his secretiveness and long working hours.Seven months later‚ on April 21 2015‚ she was murdered‚ allegedly on the instruction of her husband.Christopher Panayiotou on Friday told the Port Elizabeth Magistrate’s Court that the letter is irrelevant to the case.He said it could have been written for a number of reasons.The businessman is alleged to have had a long-running affair with Chanelle Coutts‚ who managed a supermarket owned by him‚ pre-dating and continuing during his marriage.Police believe that his inability to satisfy both wife and mistress could have motivated him to hire two hitmen to kill his 29-year-old wife.He denies guilt and is making his third application to be released on bail pending his trial.An affidavit by his father‚ Constiantinos “Costa” Panayiotou‚ was also read in court on Friday afternoon in rebuttal of an assertion by investigating officer Lieutenant Kanna Swanepoel that he was suspicious his son was having an extramarital affair.Swanepoel alleged that Panayiotou senior had approached family friend and policeman Warrant Officer Leon Eksteen with his suspicions. When Jayde was abducted‚ Swanepoel alleged‚ he had allegedly mentioned that he sincerely hoped his son had nothing to do with her disappearance.On Friday‚ the court heard that Constiantinos claims he never made the comment to Eksteen.Panayiotou is accused of orchestrating the murder of his wife‚ who was abducted outside their home in Port Elizabeth.He remains in custody for now‚ as his bail bid has been postponed to Wednesday next week‚ 1 June 2016.Read the letters here: - TMG Digital/HeraldLive ..