Audi S3: Much Too Perfect?

Last week I found myself single and snuggling up to the Audi S3 sedan for some comfort. Motor scribes often like to draw parallels between cars and women. In this case the similarities between the Audi and the former paramour were uncanny.

For starters the Audi is more than beautiful, closer to ethereal, to steal Mick Jagger’s words. Its perfect proportions, thoughtful lines and striking cues are impossible to fault. Mesmerised by the gaze of its LED-illuminated eyes, I set off smitten after a heavy desk-bound day, totally unaware of the iciness that awaited. More on that later.

I thought it coincidental too that the S3 has multiple personalities, courtesy of the Audi drive select system. She can transform from a pouncing lioness to a docile pet cat on a whim. Thankfully, those moods are determined by you, through a switch on the fascia. Not too long ago I sampled the S3’s cousin from Volkswagen, the Golf R.

Common ingredients like the unflappable MQB platform, sharp-witted double-clutch gearbox and mighty turbocharged mill were going to make for a sweet drive down memory lane. Or so I thought. Be in no doubt that the S3 is quick: the standstill to 100km/h sprint is dispatched in a mere 4.9 seconds. You barely feel it ebbing over those fine-worthy digits, until the Metro officer’s camera flashes abruptly.

So it is frightfully fast. But there is a problem and this might sound like a strange paradox, I think the S3 could be too polished for its own good. Compared to the Golf — which feels raw and edgy — the pricier Audi has been refined to the point where it feels cold and clinical. Whereas the Volkswagen implores you to make a dash to Zwartkops Raceway for a spirited track stint, the S3 seems like it would rather have you stay in and play Scrabble on a Saturday night.

Even in the most performance-focussed Dynamic mode, it is swift, but otherwise unremarkable. This is disappointing, because a performance car is supposed to induce butterflies in the tummy. The driver should be stifling naughty giggles. But behind the wheel of the S3, I felt as though I may just as well have been in one of the humbler, cheaper A3 sedan derivatives. My time with the S3 was mostly spent with the drive select system set to efficiency mode. Ironically, I found myself taking delight in its calm cruising abilities instead. From the middle lane there was plenty time to ponder about its other virtues.

The cabin, just like the exterior, is an aesthetic masterpiece. Understated elegance has always been their forte. And you could describe the interior as racy, but tasteful. A single S3 badge on the flat-bottomed steering wheel and white stitching on the figure-hugging seats are the only clues to its status as the spiciest offering in the range.

Of course, as with all models hailing from Audi, quality is on a level that eludes all its peers. I would go as far as saying that it is better put- together than some cars costing twice as much. With four doors and a decent boot, it is practical too — easily justifiable as a family chariot for the mothers and fathers with quarter-mile aspirations.

Objectively speaking, the booted S3 is a brilliant car. Actually, it is perfect: fast, beautiful, solidly built and laden with prestige inherent of the Audi badge. But sometimes perfection fails to speak to the heart. Those after a more theatrical experience might be tempted to look in the direction of the Mercedes- Benz CLA 45 AMG, or even forgetting about sedan practicality with the thrilling BMW M135i. The Subaru WRX STI looks promising too, but we will reserve judgement until we have driven it.

Actually, with the as-tested price of our S3 in mind, I thought of another Audi, albeit of a different body format, that might allow you to enjoy charisma and all the other assuring brand hallmarks. Allow me to suggest the RS Q3. Not only is it versatile, but the grin brought by its raucous five-cylinder engine and sheer madcap nature is priceless.

-Brenwin Naidu