An engineering student named Adam crowdsourced a seven page essay extolling the virtues of his penis according to a report.
MTV News reports that Adam had initially attempted to hook up on Tinder with a girl named Noelle, who claimed she “do(es) things that sometimes involve other things.”
Adam had asked her if his penis classed as "other things".
She replied asking for a seven page essay on why his penis would qualify as being worth her time.
Adam, claiming that essays were his weak point, went to Reddit to ask for help.
A drunk man named Ashton came up with the seven pages which Noelle had to admit was beautifully written.
"I am but a man, and what more can I say than to suggest that, as a part of your continued pursuit of the perfect form, you consider myself to be but a humble step towards the experience of all that the Egyptians and Romans considered to be the pathway to heaven?" Ashton wrote in his seven page magnum opus.
Unfortunately cheating did not prove to be a path to carnal success, as Noelle has confirmed that Adam did not in fact get laid.
Ashton meanwhile is considering joining Tinder, following the positive response to his post.
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