The mother (in-law) of all battles

Mothers, fathers, bloggers and social commentators have all weighed in on the row between a British stepmother and her son's fiancée.

The drama began when a furious Carolyn Bourne, 60, e-mailed her prospective daughter-in-law a list of examples of the 28-year-old's "lack of manners".

Heidi Withers was accused of not waiting for everyone else before starting to eat; of failing to fit in to the norms of the Bourne's early rising household; and of planning a lavish, "brash, celebrity-style" wedding when her father wasn't able to contribute much to the ceremony - thanks to his failure to save for his daughter's marriage.

Withers and Freddie Bourne, 29, are due to marry in a castle in Gloucestershire, in southwest England, in October, in a bash expected to cost £18000.

When Carolyn's e-mail went viral, Penelope Godfrey, the biological mother of Freddie, rushed to Withers' defence.

Godfrey, 62, was quoted by London's Mirror newspaper as saying: "Heidi is a charming girl who I have never found rude - not once."

However, she refused to utter a word about Carolyn, who is a horticulturist.

But Alan Withers, 64, wasn't shy, telling reporters his daughter's future mother-in-law was "snotty", "Miss Fancy Pants", and "has her head stuck so far up her own arse she doesn't know whether to speak or fart".

"Pollycallin" on Yahoo Answers, immediately posted: "Well, now we know where Heidi Withers gets it from, don't we?"

Another commentator, this time in the Daily Mail, also stood up for Carolyn, saying that although neither side had come out of the row well, "this very public spat is indicative of the gradual erosion of good manners and respect for others right across society".

But several other commentators felt Carolyn herself had displayed bad manners with her tone and by e-mailing her criticism to Withers.

Alan said he was "surprised" by the e-mail, which he said Carolyn had sent to his daughter three times before she sought advice from her parents.

According to Alan, Heidi then forwarded them straight to him (as well as, one presumes, to the friends who sent the e-mail round the world).

"She said to me: 'What do you think, Dad? Should I respond?'" he told reporters.

"I told her the best thing to do was not respond at all and take the moral high ground. A couple of weeks later she and Freddie agreed to jointly respond to her e-mail."

Alan said: "She's probably a very nice woman but she doesn't come across that way - maybe it's the hormones."

Alan, who was made redundant in January, said he had not been offended by what his daughter's future mother-in-law had written, but that Heidi had been devastated.

He made it clear that any Sunday lunch invitation from the Bournes would be declined.

While the Anglo-Saxon strength of Heidi's father Alan's reaction may not disabuse Carolyn of her views on Heidi's breeding, it did show the protectiveness of a father to a daughter scorned.

But the most extraordinary revelation from Alan, who spoke from his £450000 house that displays the family crest, is that the wedding is still on.

Will that not be difficult? "Of course: at the wedding we will shake hands and toast Heidi and Freddie," he said, before adding:

"I have no desire to meet Carolyn or Edward again before or after the wedding - they don't know us and we don't know them."

At least the best man will have a lot to talk about.